Here We Go

the squishy problem....

2012-02-10T14:32:00.003-08:00

.Thing morning I found my self in a bit of a parenting debacle. You see, my children work hard doing their chores each week and as a reward for their hard work, they get allowance that goes into three places: spending money, tithing to our church and savings. They choose to spend a healthy amount of their spending money at school on little toys called squishes. Along with the little toy comes a "code" which my children can enter on line to get prizes such as more virtual squishes, farm land, food a fish bowl to put the water squishes in....you get the point.

My oldest daughter is highly competitive and is DETERMINED to have more real life and virtual squishes then her younger brother. so each day she does her chores faithfully and even asks for extra chores for extra money.

My son, is.....a bit lazy. He misses his chores regularly and complains when he does do them. But he figured out how to beat the system a bit in the Virtual squishy world, and thus came my parenting debacle and a clearer understanding of free market verses the fairness doctrine.

My children noticed a few days ago that many kids at school were purchasing squishes but for whatever reason, most students saw no real value in the accompanying codes, so they tossed them on the play ground and went away with their prize in hand. My very competitive and smart daughter realized she could walk the playground and collect these items,in a short amount of time she would have MANY MANY more codes to enter on-line and her virtual kingdom could be built quickly!Her younger lazy brother also saw the value of what she was doing after her first "cash in" on the computer, so the next day guess what he did? He came home with about 30, he cleaned the playground leaving no stone unturned.

This morning I was greeted with tears from my daughter. " it's not fair! he gets out to the play ground earlier then me. By the time I get there most of the codes are gone. NOW he will get more squishes on-line then I will!!"

So how does this relate to free enterprise vs. the fairness doctrine you ask? isn't it Obvious?

If I were to teach my Daughter about being an entrepreneur, I would tell her how smart her Idea was, I would congratulate her on her already vast kingdom- and then the hard part- I tell her she has to not only search for new ideas to build her growing kingdom, but be happy that her brother worked hard on an idea they hatched together and was successful. Whats more, she CAN"T expect a pay out. She didn't DO anything to warrant one. If he is a nice boy, a kind boy, the way I am trying to raise him, hopefully he will let his wealth "trickle down" to her by sharing ( as she did the day before). BUT, since he earned it by himself I can't really take it away....in the name of "fairness".

Or could I? I am the mom right???

I mean I could tell him it was her Idea first, I could tell him it didn't matter if he worked all three recesses to collect them- she DESERVES to have the same size kingdom he does. Then I could take half of what he earned and give it to her, I mean it would be FAIR...right??

I don't think so...you see....I believe this generation is o.k with the fairness doctrine because no one gets their " feelings hurt". But what about my son who for the first time saw an opportunity and TOOK IT!He worked hard and saw the results, if I take it from him now, then why do the hard work? What will we create for our future if this is what we teach? I think we know the answer, if we teach our children every thing has to be fair or we can't be happy, we will create a generation of Lazy un happy people, its already happening and it starts by the way we parent and it ends with the way our society is run by those in charge. I pray we can find a leader who understand what is at stake here and in the mean time I will just keeping teaching mine whats most important in life. Hard work, love, faith and more maybe a little more hard work so we can keep the things we love and have faith in, alive...

.

the best me

2012-02-03T08:15:00.000-08:00

Today I am making a cake, as I dump in ingredients and listen to the hum of my new mixer I find a sense of quiet and peace. I love these moments to work with my hands to create something.

As I thought about my life and compared it to others, I began to see things a bit different, it was a glimmer of light that came into my brain. ;)

I wonder if each day I live, if I am being the "best me" I can be. I think it doesn't matter for us as Children of God what our role here on earth is. We often look around and see people doing things, wonderful things, BIG things. Things that make them famous. We see those around us making mistakes, little ones that drive us crazy, big ones the may cause them extreme unhappiness and we judge it all. Sure, tell your self you don't have an opinion as to what others are doing with their lives. If you can say that...I think you are a rare specimen. Most of us try not to, but we do it anyways. Whats worse is that most of us are using that opinion to make our self feel better OR to justify our perceived weaknesses. Either way it results in negative thoughts and talk.

SO BACK TO THE POINT, am I being my "best me"? I don't think it matters what religion ( or lack thereof) you are living at this moment, I don't think it matters whether you are famous or shy and introverted. I don't think it matters if you are changing poopy diapers or running for President of the United States. Are you being your best you?

Because if you want to be happy. If you want to " find the path" to where your life should go, you have to be your best you. If you want the powers that be ( I firmly believe that those powers are a Loving Heavenly Father) to work in your life, you have to be ready! That means you have to be the most kind, hard working, loving, don't let the world get to you or get you down person you can be.

So scrub that toilet like there is no tomorrow, train that group of customers like your whole career depends on it, stick to the truths in your heart like your life is in hanging in the air and you don't know when it will drop, because you don't know. If you want to be happy, be the best you. If you want to Let God work in your life, you have to be the "best you" that you know how to be.

DON'T GET DISTRACTED, its so easy in this world when you have a negative thought or have to deal with a drama to sit down and zone out, DON'T. I fall victim to this too often and I find myself going to bed at night with regret, thinking, I was NOT my " best me".

Understand if you go about making this change, others won't be happy for you. You see, when you are celebrating your "best you" moments, they may not have figured out yet that you are just taking charge of you own moments, your own day, your life. They will wish they could be happy washing the sticky floors and loosing those last 10 pounds. Love them, let them know your secret and most of all BE HAPPY be the "best you" you can be!

love you all.
boo

dance day

2012-01-23T07:59:00.001-08:00

This morning my sister came to my house at 5:45 A.M....

I am not a morning person.....

But we had a lot of fun dancing our little butts off with the Kinect....

man I am tired!

update time!

2012-01-19T11:03:00.000-08:00

Our sweet jack is just that, sweet! He loves with all his heart. Has a brain that analyzes and over analyses anything from a particular level on his DS game to what his teacher said about drinking lots of water. He can talk a mile a minute, loves to play catch with his dad and appreciates time one on one with the people he loves more then any thing else. he is so sweet that even when your mad at his you can't stay mad. Our home would not be near as peaceful with out him, he bring balance to our home.

trouble maker, what else to say? LOL she is competitive and loud. She wants to get the most out of every second of every day always trying to tie us down to a precise schedule so she can squeeze more in. She is a helper and when things get rough, I can always count on her to step it up. I love this little fire ball, stubborn enough to fight any battle, brave enough to kill a scorpion. she is tough!

Our little sunbeam! he really is too. He makes us smile all day long. he is as passionate about life as his older sister. Boy all the way to his bones....except for when it comes to his most recent fears. " I cared of rainbows, birdies, monsters and trash cans mom!" BUT we are getting through those and I have confidence he will not be wetting his pants and running for fear each time he hears a garbage truck much longer.

our children are the joy of our life, a day alone is rare any more, but when it does come we find our self's counting the hours to their return and talking about them constantly. SOOOO....

Its a new year a new blogging me! I have two blogs now. =) and for humor purposes I have contemplated a third about all my disastrous craft projects...seriously, if you can mess it up, I will! but I thought I would post a few pictures of the kids, I much prefer telling our story here then on FB.

Gingrinch vs. the Grinch

2012-01-19T10:53:00.000-08:00

I admit it, this isn't nice..... BUT when the Grinch looks sweet compared to you......

You might have a PR problem

AND....It might be hard to get some of us undecided, some where in the middle, dumb conformers (if we think Romney might be a better alternative) to switch our way of thinking, Especially when you have the attitude problem with ANY small victory...just sayin'...and no, my vote is not official yet.

The Campain Advise Mitt Romney will never read

2012-01-09T14:11:00.000-08:00

I admit it, I am a polictical junkie. Election time? Yes please, a year a ahead is not long enough. I want to know my canidate well enough that when I hear a random attack ad, it won't suprise me.

I want to be able to support the guy in the Oval office not just because he is President but because I know him. (reguardless of if I voted for him or not) SO all that being said, I still don't know who I am voting for. Really, its a frustrating process and to me, when I decide to support a particular person, I am in turn saying something about who I am as a person. SEE the problem?? It's scary! Have you checked out the politictions latley? So with all these thoughts floating around my head I thought Mitt Romney could use a little advice, even though he won't ever read it (trust me, I actually sent his web site an e-mail, with NO response...yep, I warned you about me already) here it is:

Dear Mr. Romney

Let me start by saying I have not decided who to vote for, in general I like the idea of a CEO as president, as do many of my friends and family members, but there are a few things you need to understand and help the American people know you if you are ever going to erase the uneasy feeling that seems to come with a potential voter committing to you:

1- Who are you? I have listened and listened to every interview I find, every debate and I feel like I get the same superficial message every time. I mean really did you think that Ohio speech won you any more support? NO, it was the same stump speech I had hear earlier. Where is the emotion? The man behind the speech? I don't feel like I can commit to a speech, I need to real person. Let us know YOU, maybe a you tube video would be helpful, perhaps talking about why you actually ran, the moment you felt you should- the REAL moment? Heck, memories of your childhood or moments you had with your children would add a little something, anything. We need reassurance that there is more then a well polished CEO, some one we can stand by.

2- Religion matters, sorry Mitt. People are scared to say it, much like any one refuses to address issues regarding Muslims, Gay rights or The color of our skin in any thing but a politically correct way. I happen to be Mormon too, and what I hate is that fact that I am struggling to support you, BECAUSE your Mormon. I don't want you to embarrass us. I don't want to deal with the comments that people underhandedly say on T.V. "Anti-Mitt" whats up with that?? My only hope is that through all this, people will learn we are Christians, and pretty darn good people at that. So please be careful Mitt, you represent a people who didn't ask you to, and they are worried about how you will handle this, just make us proud!

3- The Bain problem and the "I like to fire" comment, Hmm. I will admit I need to do a bit more home work on Bain. But let me tell you, one of the big problems with this country is that we are scared to take risks. Scared that we might make a mistake, scared that in the future some one will see the mistake. Our politician are So scared of it that they won't "fire" any one, for any reason. (unless the media says to) So you have a whole bunch a people who are going to "fix the government" who can't because they are scared. GO YOU! Fire away Mitt, reduce the government, turn power back to the states and pritave sector. Stream line it enough to pull us out of Debt. The very things you are being criticized for are the things that COULD make you a better leader if given the chance, you just have to explain it correctly. One commentator on Fox Five said " make lemons into lemon aide" his advice was great.

4- Which actually brings me to my next point you Massachusetts moderate. So what. You don't need to be a most Republican of the Republicans up there. Both parties have failed us. Our countries problems started long ago and aren't going away anytime soon even with a change of Presidents. I think our country is more in the middle then any one news organization would want to admit. Stand for the values of America, get us out of this Crisis and I don't think it matters what party you are from. In fact a moderate is probably a lot better then any one candidate on the far left OR right.

Finally, this sounds petty, but please put an Questions and answers spot on your web site. Anything from what happened with Bain to how you like your hamburgers- do you even like hamburgers? In fact I would let people send in the question they want answered and post them.

I Want to support you Mitt, But I am still just not sure If that's whats right for me. Take my advice, I think there are a whole lot of us out there who are waiting for you to.

Your Frustrated average American Gal,

Brigette

2011-11-22T07:28:00.000-08:00

Each week as we drive to Olivias soccer games, we have the opportunity to see the progress on the Gilbert Temple site. Its SO much fun to see how excited the kids get. Joey especially loves it, since there are tractors and loaders and bulldozers and cranes...and....and...and....he gets excited each time we drive by and often asks to " go see the temple" on other days of the week. It seems to have given him a new appreciation for the Mesa temple as well, because he begs ( litterally ask charity) to go there too.

This is what the new temple will eventually look like:

But this is what we see right now each week:

And when Joey saw this in the walmart holiday ads:

He couldn't help but get all excited and say " look Mom, Joey can build a temple!!" Yeah, it might just be making the list....

the Jesus tree

2011-10-20T15:46:00.000-07:00

I was contemplating our family prayers lately..you know the ones with lines like:

" help us to be more like our savior", or "help us to remember the teachings of our savior", OR "help us to act as the Savior would act SO we can be more like our savior Jesus Christ"

I wondered how much my children understood those lines...I mean when they get in a sticky situation do the actually think " hmmmm, what would Jesus do?"

Obviously, Mike and I try to teach them about their Savior, but do they KNOW him well enough to use the knowledge in all the moments they need it?

I decided probably not, since most of the time I wonder if I even kind of understand it well enough to totally apply his teachings in my daily life. I mean, knowing stories of some ones Life is different then understanding who they are, and how and why they choose the path and choices they did.

Since it is fall I couldn't help but think of cute sparkly fall leaves ( in my world every thing sparkles!) so I talked with ranner about building a paper tree for my hallway, where my kids would be able to write the things they learn about Jesus on leaves and decorate the tree. I am hoping for real lessons to be learned, I don't just want a recap of stories. I want the whys and hows here...which means I need to be a good enough mom to teach those lessons. BUT Ranner thinks bigger then me...

SO, we made a vinyl tree, I can decorate and redecorate it with the seasons and all the lessons we learn. We did it all from hand, the cost total was 7.50. I am hoping the lessons learned are price less.... we dubbed the tree the " Jesus tree" since that's the first set of lessons I want to teach the kids....its not decorated yet, but I thought I would share our hard work...I think it turned out pretty good. Maybe the Lord helps with a project when the objective it right?=) I think so, because I am no artist and this tree just happened..

For the first time...

2011-10-20T15:40:00.001-07:00

Today I helped out at the school, just like I do every other Thursday and Friday, but today was different. I went to the " work room" , cut out and laminated letters for the teacher and met other ladies working and volunteering at the school. We talked about the school , our kids and Scentsy. It was SO much fun!! For the first time since we moved here I was " part of it" again, I felt happy and content in that area of my life...it was nice...

and we run...

2011-10-06T08:25:00.000-07:00

Since yaya loves soccer and she is getting older and much more competitive, we thought it would be fun to start running together. In my head I figured my skill level and hers were about the same, so I can get in shape and we can help push each other to run harder! =) I couldn't resist taking a FEW pictures! she was SO SO happy running with mom. (she tells jack very chance she gets its " just a mommy/ daughter thing") It was cute. =)

the challenge

2011-10-05T09:41:00.000-07:00

The challenge, for a dollar, was made in front of, and 3/4 a tsp listerine was measured out by, Brigette (aka mom), as a witness and document-or.

WHO will last the longest?

It's a close one, it getting intense...but....WAIT.....is Jack Already out of the race??yep, didn't even tilt his head back! LOL

But yaya is going strong even with NO competition!!

AND THE VICTOR IS.......................................YAYA!!!!

and No she never got her $1.00, bad deal jack....bad deal...

a conversation with my new friend " OLD"

2011-10-05T09:25:00.000-07:00

A conversation I had with my new friend "old today"

" well , old, its official we have become friends, don't worry yourself, I'll post it later on facebook to make it REALLY official.

The thing is, I am not sure I am ready to enter into this friends ship. You see, hanging out with you, means I have to slowly leave my dear friend Young behind.

Young and I are close. We have had some really good times and even though I don't usually see young any more, we still like to get together once in a while when your not looking. We dance and sing, we look in the mirror and tell each other that young and me and still tight as ever...but then you sneak into the room and remind me and young that we are lying to our self's, your always like that, ruining Young's fun. WHY old??

I mean when young and I were best friends, I thought you were so cooool. Thats over. the back ach I woke up with reminded me of that fact. Old, do you have any up sides? tired body, worried heart and mind, slow to remember dates and names, new things are harder to catch on to. always tired, always. Seriously can you help me out here? Because I know that I have to let Young go, and Young can only visit when the moment is correct, AND I know I get to hang out with you for the rest of my existence. so give me some positives, I will believe you, I will, its better then telling myself your as good as it gets.

WHAT? I am going to like you at times?still a possibility of wisdom, knowledge, grand kids, freedom? boredom? when I get REALLY old? what?

Well I am not sure I believe you Old. These are the very things that made me think you were so cool,when I was hanging out with Young all the time, but so far, well, we see how our friend ship has started. I guess I will trust you Old, what choice do I have? Because my aching foot and back ach are shouting out arguments with you Old.

O.k I think after talking with you, I am ready make this work...but..... just once in a while...can Young still come play?

Satan's in the scorpians

2011-09-22T23:55:00.000-07:00

For those of you whom I love but had to move aways from, you all know what my number 2 fear was Scorpions. Literally, I had nightmares over the creepy things. I had to pray about it, about my intense fear of them. I realized moving forward with faith was pretty much the only choice I had, I mean the other option??? Would be to not move because of a fear that I was ASSURED by multiple sources would never come to fruition. Let me tell you how that's panned out for me:

Day one, moving in day. Mike and I pray together thank our Father in Heaven for our MANY blessings, as we move in, Mike steps on something, making a huge crunching noise...the victim? a HUGE scorpion!!! I am talking movie size people.

Week two, I am helping devers move into her new home. I am feeling on top of the world, spiritually and emotionally. Stronger then ever, notice something out of the corner of my eye.... scorpion. My sweet niece is running around with her shoes off, so I kill it. I try not to freak out the rest of the day. ( we also accidentally killed a lizard in her house that same day (still SO sorry little guy)

Month two, after overcoming a few emotional trials through turning to My Father in Heaven, I wake up feeling ready to go and conquer my challenges, notice what LOOKS LIKE (sorry if this grosses you out) a large booger on my wall. I get close enough to realize its not a very gross booger BUT a baby scorpion..AHH! kill it. Feel itchy for a week. still shaking all my clothes and towels out....

TWO days ago. Mike has been traveling a lot, after a week by myself I can feel my self growing spiritually in some really awesome ways! loving it! I am ready to get up and make a difference in the world, oh yes...you know what comes next.... Olivia spots a LARGE scorpion, IN MY BEDROOM.

After some contemplating I have decided there is just no way around it. Satan is in My scorpion's. Each time I feel a big rush of spiritual happiness, I am greeted the next morning by one of my biggest fears. hmmmm. Coincidence? I don't know???It's almost like a message to not forget the opposition.

But let me tell you what. Lucky for me, the Lord knew all along what I can handle. I am finding that while I am constantly facing this stupid fear, I am learning what my real trials and fears were after all, and best of all, I am learning that I can conquer them. It may not be pretty( really its NOT pretty), it may take longer then I would like, but I can face the scariest things in my life, and even with some dignity. Or at least I would like to think I can.

But the bottom line in all this jumbled mess is a lesson I seem to be learning over and over ( thank you to book club for THE HIDING PLACE BY CORI TEN BOOM) its not how I face them, BUT, if I do it by my self or if I face my hardships with the Lord trusting in his knowledge grace and power. When I try my self I fail...every time, then I feel like junk. When I face my sorrows and fears and struggles by prayer and turning them over to the Lord, well, I might have to kill a few scorpions, but I make it through, and I feel stronger and more couragous then I knew was ever possible.

So now that I have had confession hour, Check my face book status in the morning( haha), I bet ya I might just be killing my worst fear....

2011-09-05T08:49:00.000-07:00

Olivia,

Sassy,

"Little mommy"

in charge

shy

goofy

athletic

hard working

loves to read

loves the Lord

pretty much amazing!

Today is yaya's 8th birthday, its been 8 years of laughter, tears and bit of stubborn back and forth, and the best 8 years of our lives. The house feels empty when she is gone and who else would spoil Joey they way olivia does? She wants to make every one around her proud to be associated with her, she works hard and fights for what she wants. she is strong. I can't believe she is 8, such a big age in so many ways. She is still so innocent, I love the way she expects to world to hand her every dream she can imagine, and yet if it takes work she is not scared of it. she thinks big! she's our yaya and we couldn't be more proud!

LOVE YOU YAYA!! Happy Birthday!

potty training

2011-08-26T16:36:00.001-07:00

In potty training you need several things, a childs potty, clorox wipes, lots of laundry soap, a treat if you decided that a reward will be helpful, and lots of patience and a child who is ready to be " a big kid"- this week is potty training week.

Honestly, I know it could be a lot worse, but after scrubbing down my bathroom for the millionth time and scrubbing yucky underwear, I decided that I am sure glad I know what I am doing after three kids because his potty business is no joke!

HOWEVER its also one of the things that let me know my "little baby" is actually a "big boy" (as I tell him after each victory)SO here's to little ones getting big...just let me finish scrubbing the toilet and wiping my tears

the angels among me

2011-08-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking. I mean, I am not on the PTA, don't have a calling, my only Scentsy clients live hundreds of miles away, school started, so my kids are having fun with out me all day....so I have time to think. I mean don't get me wrong, moving, moving dev's family and trying to help out where I can keeps me busy..but not busy enough to stop the endless thoughts...

This week I wondered if I was going through some sort of early mid-life crisis...HAHA, I promise I am not over dramatic. =) BUT then I had a great thought pop into my mind (sure it was heaven sent) " look around you, stop worrying about who you are and what your doing with your time, look around you and enjoy what you find" Basically I received, in the form of a thought, a heaven sent treasure hunt.

You know what I found? that angels happen to walk among me. I mean when I lay it out, just the facts I have known and I daily interact with angels. they are angels because they have been through crazy things, hard thing, sometimes all in one week, yet they view them selves as regular people, sometimes they wonder if they will get a break, but they never think highly of themselves and they keep pushing forward even when it seems like the bricks keep getting thrown at them. here are some of the people I thought of and observed this week:

- I know a woman who in well into here later years of life, yet she works, takes care of family hours outside her home, has children in there thrityies depending on her and living with her, raises a grand daughter and fights serious health issues that she would never complain about...angel? I think so.

- I know a woman who was abused as a teenager in the worst ways, was pregnant young ( too young) fought through the abuse and hard pregnancy only to get married then divorced and endure hours of hard counselling and deep seeded fears -but grew to be a triumphant as any person could be, started life again only to get thrown more curveballs then she could count with her second baby, who has been in the hospital most of his life, she is going to home with a full ICU unit and a night time nurse just to get her through a day....can you image being this kind of person? I can't....she is an angel.

-I know a woman who has fought being disabled her whole life, lonely at times, sick and in the hospital more then any of us can count, once so sick that she literally had the option to let go and move to this next life, or choose and stay...honestly, I don't know why she stayed, life for here is not great.. after hours of thinking about her and her life I concluded she stayed for the rest of us, and even more for those who are touched by her that I don't even know...angel? for sure.

-I know a girl who has fought surgery after surgery trying to get an unknown problem fixed in her leg, she endures hours of pain, it hurts her to kneel to pray, yet she spread love and joy every where she goes...angel? YOU BET.

-I know a woman who takes care of all her children in every way, feeding them, clothing them, providing breaks from the daily stress of their lives, she even gives up her very house so her children can be more comfortable, she fights the fight with them, giving them courage to keep going..angel? I think so.

-I know a man who watches over three of the people whom I have spoken, he is gentle and kind. he works hard as he possibly can day in and day out, the whole time battling with his very own deamons ( don't we all have them?) wondering if he will ever be able to be everything he needs to be...and he is already...angel? uh huh..

- and the wife to the man above? you think she is just sitting down letting it all come around? nope she fights harder, gives more then any one I have ever seen. she fights until its not humanly possible to fight any more, takes a SMALL break and fights again...angel.....you better believe it.

Most of these are in my family...strong courageous people who fight seemingly impossible battles each day, while thrown the other curve balls of life, sometimes yelling in frustration, but usually just digging their heels in and taking it head on. they give all they can to every one they see. But there are so many in my life I have not named, I could write a book of the angels I know and it wouldn't be a short book!

I feel humbled to be near them, and sometimes unworthy to be counted among them as they fight and give and keep living with the only desire being to live a life worthy of making it back to live with their Heavenly Father. I love them and my prayer as I watch them, is that I might be more like them and that maybe someday they will see just what they truly are...angels.

WAIT...what?? its almost SEPTEMBER?!?!

2011-08-18T08:51:00.000-07:00

So we moved, yep pretty sure most of you know that and its been a long and yet short process...and we are almost settled ( really I need to hang some pictures, arrange some flowers..that small stuff that I am feeling unmotivated to do.)

I think its time to blog again. school started, Olivia grew two clothing sizes in less then a month, LOTS of pictures to post, I turned my hair white and ended up embracing a state of barbie-ness, new town to discover, and new adventures all along the way for the Heller family. so its time to start blogging again. =) you ready?

she tapped out...she can't help you....

2011-04-03T19:37:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a wonderful week end! Most of Saturday and Sunday was spent in our pj's all cozy in our blankets on our couch eating special treats and listening to the inspired words of our Church leaders...it was general conference weekend! In between the Sunday morning session and the afternoon session, olivia and Mike started a wrestle mania! the rule was, if you tapped out, you could not help any one else in the wrestling craziness.... Olivia is usually our head strong fighter. She NEVER taps. She always "wins". I didn't see it happened, but she tapped today, at some point she decided to do something unusual, give in. She was the first out of the fight. Poor jack. Did he ever have a chance? From the other room I hear Jack yell " HELP ME OLIVIA!! HELP ME!" and in return his dad shouts ( very dramatically if you can imagine that) " she tapped out...she CAN'T help you" Of course that was it and jack gave up.. It got me thinking about this weekend. Here I have been sitting and loving every moment of guidance and inspiration that comes, but what now? Of course I tell my self I am going to read and re-read my notes, I will be a better person, a miraculously changed woman and mother and wife.....really? SO, how has that worked for me in the past?? yeah. If life is like one big wrestle mania, never knowing what is going to come at me or how hard it might hit me in the face or twist my leg, how can I take what I learned this weekend and actually use it?? I know that some days I am like Olivia, I just tap, I shouldn't , but I do. I wonder if on those days, there was inspiration or prompting I needed to receive, but didn't. Maybe I had a friend who was silently saying prayers, and my Heavenly Father who couldn't rely on me..he had to find other ways because I just...tapped.

So here it is. I am not going to give up on the idea that change for the better is coming my way. I want to believe in myself enough to think I will be doing some changes. The person I saw outlined in conference this weekend was worth fighting to be. But the most important thing I got out of this weekend, was to use what I learned in the talks to help me not to tap out . To use those inspiring words to strengthen me when my hand is ready to hit the floor. Then get up and keep fighting! Because, I never want to be the one who can't help...because I just tapped.

cake week!

2011-03-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

So every march for some reason I get to make several of my favorite projects...CAKES! Ihave never taken a class...I always enlist the help of some one better( thank you charity and brandi!!) and they get a little better each time. I wish it was somthing I could do more often! anyway so admist a very crazy week ( I know I always say that....but its always true!) I felt a whole lot of joy in creating some fun things! SO, here are the pictures of the two cakes this week. the castle on was for a our Relief society birthday dinner and obviously the ds one was for jack, I made the DS one GF so that every one enjoyed the day. =)

Mother of the year....or of the moment, I won't be picky

2011-03-11T18:51:00.000-08:00

HA! so right at this very moment I feel like Mother of the year...or the moment, I really won't be picky even if all I get is a moment!!
I took the kids out..we toured the newest thing in our town, the new health food store. I have been awaiting its arrival for over a year now, and its beautiful! one of the best things we did while on our very exciting tour,

( seriously my kids were SO SO excited to see options in their GF/Dairy free diet! you might have heard silly squeals of joy on every isle from us, if you had been there of course!)

Was a nifty machine full of almonds...and by pressing the magic button it turned those almonds right into almond butter before your eyes! So we did and the kids thought it was awesome, and I felt like I had done something awesome! such a cool mom...I know don't get your feeling hurt..its a rare moment I need to bask in!
So then we got home and it was time to make dinner with a few of our precious finds..then I got the great Idea to make flourless almond butter cookies, you know like the peanut butter ones every one is always bragging about. So I did...and they are awesome....and my children could not be happier for the moment...which makes me " MOM of the....moment!"

Recipie you ask?? sure I combined a few to get what I deemed a good recipie:

1 cup almond butter
1 egg
3/4 white sugar
1/4 dark brown sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 tsp almond extract
1/2 salt
1 tap baking soda

easy easy! heat that oven to 350, give them about 8-10 minutes, but watch them close they are best to pull out when they have "set up" and that about it, pull them and let them Finish cooking on the pan. YUM!!

cute little joey.

2011-03-07T17:54:00.001-08:00

My sweet joey said his first words last friday. I was reading the Gospel principles

manuel and he said " I want to read this book". so we did. we looked at all the pictures and I told him what they were about, on of them was a picture of a little boy who was sick and this little boy was getting a blessing.

Later As I preparing for my sunday liesson, I was kneeling in prayer and little joey was sitting in my lap. About half way through my prayer he stood up, went behind me and put his little hands on my head. I laughed and was glad that he understood SOMETHING out of what we had talked about.

Today I took him in for a routine checkup. we talked about his health and the dr. weighed him, did that tougne gagging thing, mesured him, looked in his ear..you get the picture! when she got to his lungs she listened for a LONG time. she stood up and said " I think we better give him a breathing treatment". I was suprised but, whatever, after his treatment they checked his saturation level...now ebign around aubery has taught me a few thing this last few weeks so I knew when it said 94 the dr. might actually be concerned. she was, we were sent for blood work and x-rays. after a long afternoon of fighting a scared 2 yr old I found out Joey has Pnemonia, in both lungs...yeah. so now on to breathing treatments 4x's a day and worring about him rcvoering so we don't end up in a hospital..It will be fine I am sure. but for some reason the thought of my son having the same thing sweet aubrey has in the hospital is a bit unnerving.... wouldn't you be bugged?

health care?? I don't think so...

2011-03-04T08:24:00.000-08:00

O.k before I say what I need to say, I want to make a disclaimer:

I follow politics, I enjoy knowing whats going on in our government and whats happening in the world. HOWEVER, I don't know too many details, I can't necessarily tell you the names of the current laws being proposed, or even the exact person representing them. I decide whom I will vote for based on their ethics and values. When I feel like I have found some one which best represents my point of view..I vote for them. The same goes for the current bills being passed, I think about the bill and how it will effect my family, and do I feel like that bill will be good for my family and those around me. ANYWAY, this little ditty is on health care.

My sister, is disabled. I don't like to state that about her, because to me it has never mattered. But for the purpose of what I need to say, it should be stated. My sister, is disabled. About two weeks ago she became very sick, the care facility she stays in took her to the emergency room. she was admitted with Pneumonia in (what they told us at the time) lungs. By the next morning her left lung had collapsed, her heart rate was in the 150's and she was on the highest amount of oxygen she could be. we rushed to her side. As a family we prayed together, talked with the Doctors about the hardest of decisions, which every one felt at the time could be coming, and watched her her life teeter back and forth between letting go and going home, and fighting hard to stay with us. for any one who has gone through a similar experience, you know there are very few things so draining physically and emotionally as this.

For days she struggled, and then little by little is seemed as if she might just turn the corner to getting better and having this experience be as a distant memory. Then Saturday happened. Now as I mentioned My sister has outside issues beyond this current illness. One of those issues happens to be epilepsy. So seizures have become a struggle in her life, a part of ours. The thing that made this day so different was the number 2, never in her entire life has she had two in one day..ever. ....until saturday. Since that time the doctors have continued to follow a schedule that would mark a road to recovery except for one problem, SHE IS NOT RECOVERING! They have slowly taken away her oxygen, only to give it back because she struggles off and on, her feeding tubes have been plugged, she couldn't eat. they unplugged it. Then the next day decided it was time for her to eat regular food again, they took her off food of any kind to create an intense hunger so she would want to eat, the problem is that she was so weak that she gagged on the food and choked every time we tried to feed her, back in goes the feeding tube and a scheduled surgery comes for a permanent one.

EXCEPT WAIT! the drs. had told us that at her current state she was too weak to have any kind of surgery...but they pushed ahead anyway, we are so very thankful that she made it through the surgery. She struggled all that day, but they still pushed forward. They took out the tube which was draining the fluid out of her lungs so she could get going home..even though they can see her lung is not only still collapsed but has fluid in it. As soon as the tube was removed they began the talk of discharging her and this is where the even bigger problem comes.

Believe it or not, I have spared you SO many details in this ordeal, None of her doctors have agreed as to how to treat her or even what is really going on, each day a different story, but they all seem to be ready to let her go. The nurses are shocked at what they see, they care for a young woman in crictical care and don't understand why she would be released. My parents begg for more time only to be told no. My sister's care center will not take her back in her current situation, the hospital won't keep her. The one option in between a hospital and care center refuses to see her needs and take. So now what? Where will they even take her when she is released? how can she even survive with out the IV's and oxygen?

My sisters health care is government health care, with her disabilities that is what she has received her whole life. Now apparently her quality of life is not worth fighting for. Is this where we are headed? I can't tell you how many times the doctors looked me in the face and told me her quality of life is not good enough and we need to consider letting her go. BUT SHE STILL FIGHTS and as long as she still fights who are we to say she can't be given the chance?? If this is what my childrens future holds, I will fight with all I have to make sure they never have to live a life where they are told they are just not worth the fight. Where does it end? what qualifies a "good quality of life"? disabilities? age? sickness? WHAT?

Last night Aubrey had another seizure, she is back on oxygen, her fever keeps spiking and she is in pain, she has sores all over her back side, and with out IV fluids her blood pressure drops to dangerously low rates. But don't worry, the doctors say she is fine..she might even get to go home today.

Jack lost a tooth...

2011-02-17T16:36:00.001-08:00

Jack Lost his first tooth yesterday! I (of course) was at a meeting, but Mike was in on the magic of the moment. =) he is so proud of himself. I just cant belivie he is so big! today he read us a BIG story. no problems....I love that guy, his sweet smile can melt your heart faster then anything else in the world. on valentines day we sat on his bedroom floor reading all his cards together, he talked and talked and talked...and then he looked at me and smiled and said..'Mom, I love you" ...yep, thats my Jack. =)

movin to the center....and I'm not talkin' politics people!

2011-02-01T14:28:00.000-08:00

So today a big thing happened, I mean, its a big thing if you are a girl. I moved to the center.
well...mostly.

It was rough! But I have been observing for almost a year now that many of hollywoods nicest looking ladies are doing it...so I should too, right? LOL. ( this might be one of the few times I agree with this line of thinking so I had to say it)

what am I talking about you ask? my part...yes, you heard right, the part on my head.=) sounds like a small thing? let me excplain to you- that 1/4 of an inch can make a person look and feel totally different. For example- today I feel sassy maybe a little bit mysterious. sounds cheezy I know. when my part its in its normal place. I feel...normal, and when it is deeper to the side I felt younger... in general I have found through out my life that I am much more comfortable on the right side then on the left( HAHA)

...so I suppose we will see how trying out the "almost in the middle" for me goes..wish me luck! Because this is so HUGE, I just knew you needed to hear about it.

wish us luck!

2011-01-31T19:57:00.000-08:00

Tonight, is a big night in the Heller house. Tonight is the night we start our new years budget. Its going to be crazy, its going to be intense. BUT, we can see what will come of our hard work and we are ready to take on the money...make it work for us, not against us...but it just might not be pretty for a while...I will try not to whine and get all emotional about it when it gets hard ( because it will be)
HOWEVER, I am determined to not look at a glass half empty before I have even enjoyed a nice BIG swallow of the cucumber mint water..its like being on a budget right? you get to feel good about not over doing it or being unhealthy, but at first you just might not feel full or heck, lets just say it you might not be satisfied with your good choice! Instead, you crave the sugar sweetness of a pop. Its only with time you come to learn to enjoy the mint and cucumber and its MANY benifits. so it is with a budget and money smart living. only with time tested benefits that bring peace are you satisfied...=) there you go. my first money analogy of 2011, I am sure there will be more to come.

gluten free-dairy free-beef free- corn free...everything free? for under $10.

2011-01-24T13:12:00.000-08:00

the beginning of every week comes and here I am again, trying to meal plan. I have to admit this may be me beings wimpy here, but gosh I get so frustrated every Monday! here's an example of why:

dinner for tuesday:
gluten free chicken salad "sandwiches" for five:

Chicken: 4.00
Lettuce for wraps:2.00
bell pepper: 1.00
almonds: 2.50 ( SMALL bag)
Vegenaise: 8:50 ( DAIRY FREE, EGG FREE MAYO)
Craisens: 3.00 ( you need a few ingredients to off set the celery jack can't have)
Total?? $21.00
All other ingredients ( onion and seasonings) we have around the house.

Now to be fair, I only have to buy vegenasie every other meal when mayo is a key ingredient and the crasins we will use for more then one meal. BUT this is a good idea of how we eat from day to day. pork chops are really common in the heller home, since they are all the right specifications and honestly we get tired of chicken. So I am at my end whits and my sweet husband calls me back to chat before I head to the store. after discussing our budget and my frustrations, he volunteers to shop and cook this week, hopefully he can show me a better way, but we both figure if he can't feed us cheaper, at least from here on out we can be on the same page..because while I believe in what we are doing with and for our kids, its exhausting! and I just need a reset button sometimes.

the unknown secret ingredients..

2011-01-15T14:01:00.000-08:00

Today as I run my scentsy, listen to calming music and clean my house at a snails pace, I feel a calm sense of peace and with that reflection. I thought about my life and what I really want, what we all want. In the end, I think a lot of life and the searching that comes with it, is in search of happiness- happiness now, in a week in a year, in ten years and after this life. I thought about my personal search for happiness, and the things I know bring me to find it. I contemplated many of the amazing people I am surrounded by, as I look at their lives I can see this is their every day search too, some seem to be more successful at finding peace and happiness then others.
I know that when I see some one who appears to have a greater amount of happiness it causes me to go into auto pilot mode, "how are they finding happiness easier then me, they don't even seem to be searching for it, it looks like it just finds them!? what and I doing so wrong?I will never be able to achieve that level of______" of course this is totally a negative out look, of course its not what I should do...but its just so darn natural!
SO as I contemplated life and my search for happiness along with all those I know, I found my self thinking about those who are struggling, I Wondered how I could help them feel how I feel RIGHT NOW. Happy, peaceful and safe in the knowledge of my Heavenly Father and his love for me. I want that most in my life all the time and I want it for those with in my reach ( if your reading this that includes you). So here is my thought for your finding happiness and I realized it works for me too.
Happiness is like the unknown secret ingredients of your favorite dessert. It seems so complex or hard to figure out, almost as if there recipie that would show you how to create it, and that recipie will include ( OF COURSE) the special secret ingredients you seem to be missing... but thats just an illusion, the ingredient is unknown. The reason its unknown is because YOU have to find it. Your happiness recipe and mine do not look alike, there fore you and I have to search for our secret ingredients on our own. which is why when we look at each other and can't figure it out...well there there is a reason for it. I also found that try as I might I can not find happiness for my friends and loved ones, its not possible for me to figure out any one secret ingredient....only the ones we have in common.
Because, we all have common ingredients. I believe with all my heart those common ingredients include following the Lord and his commandments, understanding how much he loves you and then sharing that love with every one around you. But beyond our common ingredients we each have tiny little secret ingredients that help us each to be happy, that make life taste just So So good! Maybe the ingredient is a good smelling home, a walk on a cool day, TIME with the ones you love most, for some it maybe the sounds of the rain out just out the window with a soft blanket and a good book. Life can be so good if we choose to do whats right and learn to look for our small secret ingredients that help us to feel peace, putting our focus on those things more then on other random unimportant things in our life. Because we are all different our happiness and how we achieve it is different, our paths while all headed the same direction, are just different.
I might add that its o.k to mix it up! I can almost certainly say that my favorite dessert changes from time to time and if you had told me 10 years ago that a nice 5.00 smell, some soft music and slow methodical cleaning would make be feel amazing. I might have laughed. But right now, it works for me! I am guessing in ten years it will be different.
Take the time, look around, enjoy what you have because the very things in front of you MIGHT just be your small secret ingredients that make all the work and trying to be good and get where we need to be feel worth it...and give you hope that the end goal is actually obtainable.

when you google your name....

2011-01-13T14:32:00.000-08:00

this is a fun thing to do sometimes...google your name. I found all sorts of interesting things...such a a woman named Bridgette Heller, one little letter differece but she seems to be doing big things with her life since she's every where. it was interesting to realize that even with a public blog and profile page ( not public) there were not any pictures of me. on a side note, I would not reccomend only googleing my first name, apparently its fairly popular amongst a crowd of people who take pictures....that shouldn't be looked at. so in all my looking, I found a barbie type doll named after me. I thought it was funny! heres the link. have a great day!

http://www.lollipopgirlpower.com/dolls/mini-brigette.cfm

I think A good ones a comin'....

2011-01-11T14:32:00.000-08:00

HAHA, this is why I love to blog. I can show off my ridiculous personality and no one needs to read it or care what I am writing but me. I just want to say I feel the brewing of a really good blog coming..I just need to take two pictures to go with it....are you on the edge of your seat?? you should be! LOL
here I am with 15 minutes till piano starts a closet to rearrange, then off to the store to buy a b-day present, then a church meeting...when are we suppose to eat?? I don't know! but don't worry because I just needed to write about the good blog I may some day write.
In the mean time, a quick update on the kids:

Olivia: happy, her hair is getting SO long and she refused to cut it, loves to read, play star wars, and do anything the involves goals and collecting things. right now she is obsessed with the disney rewards program. she is my little mommy and I am so grateful for the help she often gives me. she is currently going gluten free and it seems to be helping with her stomach aches in the morning and her hair. shes not loosing TONS every day any more. her skin rashes have also disappeared.

Jack: SO happy, he LOVEs school, he is very social. love to play anything electronic. and is very curious. he thinks his sister is the coolest thing since dairy free ice cream and gf donuts. hes so loving and when he relaxes and watches movies he leans back and buts his little hands behind his head. its so cute! he sings loudly and obnoxiously on purpose. hes one crazy dude.

Joey: busy...busy and .....busy. yesterday I found him al sorts of funny places because he is SO bored with the kids back in school. he destroyed the game closet and right now is taking apart the movie shelf. he is funny as heck and we laugh at his goofy personality all day long. he learned how to go to bed like a big boy on saturday night. after coming out of his bed a little over 100 times saturday he only tried once sunday..and not at all last night. He loves his family and is always quick to tell you what he wants and give big hugs...I wish he wasn't getting so big!

so that's the kids. happy, healthy and enjoying every moment we can.I hope your day is fabulous and you get every thing done you need to.....cause I am probably not going to, so some one should . =)

a new year

2011-01-10T16:06:00.001-08:00

well, its back to blogging. I have more thoughts then I know what to do with, so back to blogging therapy! =) today I have been in the strangest mood, so I sat down to play the piano, like always, and I played this song and I remembered how much I love it and the message I get every time I sit down and sing it at the top of my lungs ( poor jack must have been embarrassed since he had friends over, and I wasn't holding back, and I haven't sang, I mean really sang, in a while... but....oh well)

Like the sunlight falls on me,
Light from heaven helps me see.
and when the mist arise to blind my eyes,
the the truth shines upon me and I see,

Fear is a lie.

Fear is Like the clouds that veil the earth from the sun,
Faith is like the morning rays that break when night is done.
and when the fear inside me says that all me hope is gone,
Faith in heaven lifts me up and shouts, I've just begun.

and then I sing a song of praise,
for the hope with in me raised. from the heights above,
Faith and hope are mine.
The clouds that covered me and kept me down, are far behind!

Fear is like the clouds that veil the earth from the sun,
faith is like the morning rays that break when night is done
and when the fear inside me says that all my hope is gone,
faith in heaven lifts me up and shouts, I've just begun.

Believing leads to truth and light,
fear can turn the day to night,
but even in the dark the way is clear,
always follow faith and never fear!!

Fear is like the cloud that veil the earth from the sun,
faith is like the morning rays that break when night is done,
and though the fear inside me says that all my hope is gone
faith in heaven lifts me up and shouts! I've just begun......I've just begun

This song is so happy and gives me a solid reminder that faith is where its at! I am so grateful for the power of music in my life and the change that just one song can make.

1st prayer

2010-10-07T17:00:00.001-07:00

Yesterday seemed big in so many ways- things learned and realizations made, new paths starting....but the sweetest moment of the day was when our family of five gathered around our little table and Joey prayed.
Olivia helped him..she started "DEAR" he said "dear", She said "HEAVENLY" he said "Heavenly Father" . It was such an amazing moment to see how big he is getting and to realize he already has been listening and learning the proper way to adress his father in heaven. During these times I know that not to long from now, I will so miss these simple tender moments as the years continue to fly by...

a new smell is in the air...

2010-10-04T15:31:00.000-07:00

This weekend while I was visiting a good friend, I was overwhelmed with the feeling of cleanliness and peace in her home, it didn't take long for me to realize a big part of the feeling was the amazing smells she had through out her home...it was the smells of Scentsy.

The warmers were all so beautiful and the bathroom plug- ins were so cute, by the end of the weekend I knew after many years taking a break from sales of any kind, I wanted to share this amazing product with any one who would be interested and by doing so could help my little family financially.

SO, I signed up to be a Scentsy consultant. I already have a warmer in my T.V room and one in my bathroom, I can't wait to get started and share all these amazing smells with those I know! if you want to check out my web site it is:

below is the picture of the warmer I can't wait to get and these buddies, which are SO SO cute I have seen them in person and you put a scent packet in them and they are so sweet and comforting I can't wait to get one for joey!

www.brigetteheller.scentsy.us

clock is ticking

2010-09-27T22:58:00.000-07:00

the clock is ticking and its getting later and later in the night, yet, I find my self here, in my kitchen with a list of tings to do longer then my table and my hours filled to the brim tomorrow, all good things, all still busy.
I remember reading a church book once where the writer talked about how hard it was to pull her self away from her written schedule and lists of things to do one morning, she just needed some time to talk with her husband but the list and schedule before her were all consuming....in a light bulb type moment, she was able to see past the list and realize her husband needed her.
At the time I read the book I couldn't imagine what kind of mom could be so extremely busy that she was so obsessed over a list of to do's and a schedule of how to do her "to do's", now I get it. My mind is racing but my body wants rest, I am losing my voice and my head feels separated from my body ( you know like when you are pregnant and nothing seems to quite connect like it should?) its like my body is shouting TAKE A BREAK DUMB BELL! I am not complaining, really I am not. every thing I do, I enjoy and all of it is for my family, church and friends. I just keep trying to figure out how to be super woman....it must be possible or thats what I tell myself, it must be possible to do every thing I need to, but how?
so here I am late on a Monday night, with the clock ticking, a messy house, a trip to pack for since we are leaving at 5 a.m on Wednesday, and every hour already spoken for tomorrow. do I stay up late and just get it done, knowing I wont get to bed until a ridiculous hour and be even more tired tomorrow? do I try to sleep with my brain swimming and hope it works out? did I mention we got a new car today? yeah we did, it feels awesome! of course not at all as an after thought are the people I love who are going through hard things. how can I help them? how do I let them know I love them? they need to know! what to do?? yet stressing about situations helps no one....hmmm....thats it, all I got..

B-I-G week end

2010-09-26T13:50:00.000-07:00

this weekend was crazy, I ran hard and fast every hour I could. BUT I think in the end it all worked out! I thought a few pictures of my adventures might be good.....the cup cakes are from the PTA dessert spread Elizabeth and I did, those cup cakes were some of my favorite, white chocolate with white chocolate chips and a hint of orange.....YUM!

the Band was AWESOME at the "B-I-G" party, my mother in law said she could hear it at her house and that her and the kids were dancing in their front yard...they live four blocks away!

soccer was intense and awesome! The general R.S meeting was AMAZING! and none of it could have happened with out great friends who not only participated in it all but spent the day here friday cleaning my house. LACEY, TIFFANY AND ELIZABETH, and the R.S Hillcrest ward presidency got me through this week with only a few minor melt downs...no tears. WHEW! glad its done....I tired to enjoy the ride, the crazy thing is that even with all these pictures I dont have pictures of the cupcakes all rolling off the board on the ride over to the school or the pumkin bars that gots smahed, the primary activity, the birthday party we went to....and belivie it or not tons of other things that we did this week. I am so ready for our trip to see great friends and family in utah!!!

too tired.

2010-09-22T11:38:00.000-07:00

today I just feel tired, but life is marching full speed ahead, I know if I don't jump in line things will get messy fast, so any one have any ideas for how to get a pick me up with the energy level? cause I need some...

If you drive by my house on any given day.....

2010-09-20T15:49:00.000-07:00

If you drive by my house on any given day you will probably find my children destroying my garage...in the name of inventing. Of course for over two years now the obsession has been with building a plane to fly to far off destinations. recently it has turned into a hobby for any reason, just the reason of inventing, is a good excuse to dig through our house and our neighbors house, the two garages and cars to find any random object that could add to the invention.

you can't tell in this picture but the girls planned for everything on their plane trip. coats for cold Alaska, swimsuits for the beach, cameras for Disney land, scriptures for the Utah potion of the trip, crayons for the long haul over to Washington D.C to see aunt Becky and then home they would come. They had me light the back of their invention with a sparkler.....they were all so angry when it didn't work, I think olivia cried. So time after time I find things like this out side, I am so glad they can use their brains to get creative and have fun....to dream...just don't open the garage....its straight up embarrassing after day in and day out of inventing!

that my days may be lengthened....

2010-09-13T11:02:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me, knows that I like to be busy, some might say insanely busy, but I am learning this is how I function most efficiently AND when I am busy, I am happier too! This last year however, has seemed to take my busy schedule to a whole new level. A good example would be today:
I got up early, cleaned my TRASHED front half of the house, got kids up, packed lunched, managed and hour long melt down with a positive attitude ( a miracle I am still feeling good about) off to school, out for an hour walk, home again to finish cleaning, worlds quickest shower- I EVEN washed my hair) and was dressed in less then ten minutes so I could have my training meeting for Relief society stuff and here I am an hour later with 45 minutes to bust out a bunch of laundry, mop a floor and run to get jack from school. But the point is... I have been able to do every thing I needed to do on time and with a good mind set and its not even noon yet.

But one problem has been in the front of my mind, and the thoughts go some thing like this:

" I am busy, that's o.k, no more complaining.... time to embrace it...but are the most important things getting attention??? reading to the kids, playing a good board game, walks to the park.....the memory building things that bring us close together....am I so busy I forget to pray or enjoy the wonderful life I have??? is the schedule running me........or am I running it??And Mike... poor mike... am I being the wife he really deserves??"

I know a few wonder women in my life, these are people I know well enough to know that its not just smoke and mirrors, they just are beyond amazing. I have often wondered how they stayed busy ( like I am becoming) and yet made the most important things get done....and then I figured out a secret they had not shared with me!! AHHH HAHAHAHA. ( my evil laugh)

in Helaman 7; 24 it says:

.....there fore the Lord will be merciful unto them: yea he will lengthen out their days...

It occurred to me that in my most " with it" times, when I am working hard to do all I can- the right way before God, That I have been able to "magically" get every thing done even when it seemed impossible to do so. This very thing I knew could happen, but seemed more like a random moment in my life experience then the normal every day occurence. this concept of leangthening days is talked about a few times in the scriptures, the concept is not new and the Lord blesses those who are doing his work with this blessing when needed. This is the secret those wonder woman may or may not understand they have going for them...

So my prayers are not for a longer day, I realize my days are not going to have extra hours or minutes on the clock, but maybe the Lords way of "lengthening your days" is helping you to focus, or get through when you need to with a little extra speed, so that the very most important things in life can be done. Maybe Its the fact that a call which normally takes 15 minutes takes 2 or that you can seem to get a good shower and dressed in less then ten minutes instead of the normal 25.

I believe with all my heart if I continue to seek him and do his work, keeping my priorities with my family and home, that i will be able to be blessed with the amount of time I need to get all things done and in order not leaving out the best parts of life but enjoying them to their fullest!

so when I sat down for training this morning and the sweet sister across from me prayed "that my days might be lengthened" I almost fell off the couch, how funny she knew exactly where I was and what I needed. Got to love being a member of the Lords church! =)

its a sick party

2010-09-09T08:31:00.000-07:00

on tuesday night there was peace and calm in the Heller home.....until 2 a.m, at which point mike started throwing up....an hour later joey did, and hour after that jack did...and by 4 a.m we were in the t.v room watching cartoons while I cleaned up mess after mess. soon I discovered that Olivia had been throwing up all night ALL over the house! Instead of getting me or attempting to clean it, she just picked her sick self up and found a new spot to sleep. great.

The craziest thing was when I posted it on face book ( becuase the world does NEEDED to know the hellers are sick! LOL) I had over 5 families which we hung out with this weekend had come down with the SAME junk the SAME night!! which is so sad, but in my little mind, a bit of a relief since originally I thought maybe I had cooked something weird and given my family food poisioning! since we got so sick, so close to the same time as each other.

I didn't feel awesome ethier but I was trying hard to keep up, until lunch time. It hit me and hit me hard. at one point I couldn't even walk from our hall bathroom to joeys bed where I was trying to escape the rest of the house by sleeping in a random place, it worked until I found joey throwup in the bed...

Thank heavens for mother in laws! mike called and she came to the rescue, bringing gatorade, popsicles and a dinner fit for a yucky tummy! it was a very rough day, but with out her it would have been so much harder!

around 8 P.m we were all feeling better but not all the way, and we were all asleep for the night. today is better, but we are exhausted. so the kids are staying home, I will be disinfecting EVERYTHING and working on the gross mountian of laundry. so glad we got over it all at once, even if it was one of the hardest days the hellers have been through in a while....

the longest b-day ever...

2010-09-07T15:00:00.000-07:00

SOME body in my family really knows how to stretch a good thing for every last inch of goodness, SOMEBODY in my family had not just 1...2....3.....but FOUR parties in her honor, at least one of which- she turned a movie night into her "birthday party" with out letting her parents know, and called and invited people, luckily we caught it after two calls.....SOMEBODY in my family is the sweetest and most helpful girl around, we call her " little mommy and she just turned 7!

the first one was at moms house two Sundays ago, second was the movie night-turned party- then her ACTUAL birthday on Sunday and now today with the class celebration..I added a couple extra of the Friday event because the cake turned out so good, I couldn't resist! she wanted a "doughnut" birthday...so today I took her class doughnuts and for her cake I made a HUGE doughnut...flavor you ask? she wanted "confetti cake (which I turned into a white chocolate cake) and then cream cheese frosting with smashed oreos"

2nd counselor

2010-09-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

Well, this week has been fairly interesting for me. It all started on mikes B-day when we got called in for a bishops interview, I was released and then the bishop talked about taking "periods of rest" for a while, it occurred to me that he may not be extending another calling to me at this moment, in the few seconds of realization I had panic sweep over me. I love to be involved in the church I love to be busily serving the Lord. At the beginning of our interview he asked me how I felt about my calling and one of the things I said was that I felt like I didn't get to serve enough! SO back to the panic stricken moment...

it didn't last very long becuase then surprisingly, I was called as second counselor to the Relief Society presidency. I am thinking I will get my opportunity to serve more! LOL. as I am sure you can imagine this week has brought so many different emotions, I actually had myself convinced that when I got to church today the bishop would pull me aside and tell me they were putting some one else in as the second counselor. I am not at all doubting the others called as president and 1st counselor, just my own issues to contend with. I have wondered things like: how can I even do this job right? I mean seriously Had my heavenly father looked deep into my soul lately...cause I am feeling like he conveniently skipped over some major flaws....I can think of some many others who would just shine in this calling....( and as I re-read this it occurs to me that the Lord usually calls the person with many flaws.....)

I thought I was being a bit dramatic but as I watched all the emotions of the others involved in this process I realized I was normal and O.k to feel overwhelmed, unsure of what to do, and anxious to get everything done the way the Lord wants it done and not mess it all up! I am so grateful I am not the new president, WOW she has got so much to figure out, That's why Heavenly Father calls REALLY AMAZING people to that particular calling. Once I worked this all out a few hundred times in my head I feel a tiny bit better about it all....

So here I am, its official, I get to do more for the Lord...Lets get started.

you probably noticed...

2010-09-02T13:52:00.000-07:00

You probably noticed that since the whole audition stunt I have been absent from the Internet world...and the social world really, and the whole world. Not that I was devastated by what happened just that so many things have been happening for so long, and that specific event seemed to be an end to a segment of our life somehow...I don't quite know how to explain, but I shut my self down for a bit and tried to recharge,only the recharge didn't come. So what I have discovered in the last 48 hours was that I was not meant to recharge and push forward. the lesson I am learning now is one of change.
Its time to change, get deeper roots, enjoy the most important things a bit more and put a tiny distance from the things that are not eternal, I am not saying let go, just a little space. If you are hugging on too tightly to friends, schedules, events, you miss the best parts of life, the most important ones.
This point was clearly illustrated when I rocked my sweet Joseph to sleep today, even though he is almost two and a little big for such things, he let me hold him and enjoy the feeling of loving him unconditionally and looking into his eyes and learning about the person he is. He often reminds me why it so great to be a mom. Then I ran to pick up jackson, tired, un-showered and stressed about the ' schedule" again. one look at his grin from ear to ear coupled with the fact that even as a big school boy he still lets me fling my arms around him and give him a HUGE kiss on the cheek in front of his friends remind me of what I Love about life. Putting a little distance from things has helped me focus on what is actually in front of me and not the things all around it.
so, some things I love....I love looking into the eyes of the people that surround me and getting a glimpse of how their Heavenly Father views them,you enjoy every one around you so much more when you look deep into their eyes and see the person they really are. I love the Bright colors of the flowers every where we go, the sunset on a long drive and the shananigins of the gold fish in our front yard pond. I love the feelings of peace and accomplishment as I listen to good music and clean my home, which in doing, I am creating a retreat for myself and those I love. I especially love to hear my children singing in the other room, or my husband! =)
I feel changed, some how wiser- if that's possible- LOL, sometimes I wonder.... and aged. I feel goofy for admitting my thoughts and emotions but More then at any time in my life thus far, I realize that life has a purpose, to love those around you with all you have, to emerse your self in the gospel and learn the love of the Lord and to enjoy all he has given you and of course share all that goodness with every one you meet!. so, I am still exaughsted and abit frazzled, but then again maybe that's just me. Which for the most part, I am o.k with!

auditions

2010-08-21T11:49:00.000-07:00

Well I have not know what the heck to write for several days now. this whole thing has been so much more emotional then I ever anticipated, so what to write? We went up Tuesday to get our wrist bands, right after I picked up the kids from their first day of school. About twenty minutes from the park the car started making crazy noises and we didn't even know if we would make it home! we ended up driving around San Francisco searching for a mechanic, of course there were not too many open after 5:30, so we were able to get a guy as he was closing the doors to at least diagnose it and tell us we probably wouldn't make it home. so we got our wrist band and decided we should eat, except on our way to the pizza place up the street a cop stopped us and told us it was dangerous where we were and we should get to our car immediately and get out of there....so with a couple of prayers, driving super slow, stopping a lot and a few adventures along the way we finally made it home at 11;30.

On wednesday I was tired and anxious for the next day, my sweet friend called to tell me she has some things come up and she could no longer go with me to auditions. I spent most of the day a emotional wreck trying to get the courage to go all alone. Of course my hero came to the rescue and mike called me at 7 p.m to let me know he had talked to his boss and he would be coming along with me!

thursday we woke up at 4:30 a.m. already exhausted from all the emotional hoopla and a few weeks of sleep less nights ( which don't seem to be going away any time soon) we hopped in the car and headed to San Fran. We got there around 7:30 we ended up in "section 4" of the line. we were told and estimated 10,000 people came to the auditions! we got into the stadium right after 8, there were camera every where and the crowd was all jazzed up, bo bice came and sang we will rock you, it was a fun atmosphere! not TOO many crazies, not as many as you might think. a lot of singing in the corner and glee groups braking out in happy singing. the bathrooms were crazy with singers and make up touch ups. Of course we thought it would be cold, its san fran on the ocean!! its always cold....except on Thursday! it was HOT HOT HOT. mikes face got fried! we really just hung out and waited until 5:15 when our sections got called down. They lined us up in rows of 4 and sent us to wait in lines by a tent. when it was our rows turn I got about 10 seconds, they never cut me off they let me Finnish what I had prepared. but our whole line was cut. the two girls next to me where confident and amazing singers, but they got cut to, in fact the one girls tried begging, saying she had been to all 6 audition locations and not made it!! as soon as you are cut, they cut off your wrist band and you walk directly out the stadium.
honestly the actual moment was such a blur, I know I was on pitch, but not that loud, and i know I knew when she called us all forward it was a no..which is what she said " its a no".

So then the emotions came, totally unexpected. I thought I would feel so proud of my self but honestly I just felt tired and emotional. I still cant seem to work through it all in my head. I think I am glad I did it. I think if they came back next year I might try just for the heck of it. but I can't seem to figure out what to do with my self, which is strange since I always have so much going on...and obviously I have an amazing life. The pinnacle of the emotions was when I got home and the kids had made a sign. they just couldn't understand why their mom didn't make it. So yeah. there you go. I wish I had something amazing and strong to say...but I just dont. maybe tomorrow... I will post the pictures tomorrow to for those of you who haven't seen them on face book.

first day of school!!

2010-08-17T09:31:00.000-07:00

waiting in line fore class to start!

Hes tryin to figure out whats going on, he thinks something cool MIGHT be happening!

the back pack!

LETS GO MOM!!

Yes, these are her crazy shoes, she loves them and you should see them when they light up!

OH isn't he handsome?? melts any gals heart....

today was the kids first day of school! Jack was excited! olivia was so excited...until we got to the door of her class. =( but over all, if feels great to know that my children are in a safe place with fabulous teachers and good friends! so today is the start of all craziness...here we go!!

I figured it OUT!!!

2010-08-15T13:44:00.000-07:00

This last few weeks have been such a journey for me, I have never felt so small and weak in my life then when I have looked inward and under a microscope at my very own flaws, the ones I usually pretend aren't there, the ones that have come from years and years of uncontrolled negative thoughts ( about my self). So with the emotions in check--- can I just say its taken A LOT to get them " in check" thanks goes out to jill for Hours of talking with me!!!--- I have moved forward, grateful that I have had the chance to look harder at my self, my flaws and my MANY MANY blessings. One of which is my voice.

Whether you like it or not, whether I am confident with it or not, The simple fact is that the Lord gave me a voice, that is usually in tune and which I have used through out my whole life to share my feelings with those about me, mostly my feelings about God and our divine natures. I have loved music since before I could talk, my mom said I sang in my sleep as a baby, and that has never gone away as I have grown older. People around have always seemed to understand and appreciate this gift.

So last night we had the opportunity to go to an activity for our church, there was swimming and food and then some of the guys got up with electric guitars, drums and all that goes with it and put on a show, they were awesome!! The kids couldn't refrain from jumping up and dancing all around the room, all the kids- except one, My sweet little Olivia. She wanted to join, her friend molly tried with all her might to get Olivia to join, but Olivia just couldn't let her self do it. she stood totally still, I could tell she was scared to even tap her foot because then it would give away the fact that she really wanted to dance and Molly might put up the fight again.

As I watched her, I realized I was watching me. This is how I often Live life and this is how I have approached singing. scared. scared to just let go, to embrace the music and just love it and enjoy it! Even when I do sing, its rigid, because I am scared. Now don't get me wrong, In my teenage years I thought pretty highly of my own talents, so there were a few moments when I forgot to be scared, those are the moments I keep trying to re-create. Because I never enjoy singing when I am scared, only when I let go and just go for it. Wonder if this has anything else to do with the rest of my life?? LOL

So in this moment last night I figured it out. I have to try out for this, I might not make it, maybe no one will like what I sing or how I sound or how I look, I but need Olivia to see, that I know how to go for it, even if it scares me so bad I want to run the other way and pretend I don't care any more. Lying to my self becuase of fear hurts me, and last night I realized it effects others around me too. Poor molly didn't enjoy her dancing as much ethier, not with out her friend beside her. What things have I been scared of that some one else was hurt becuase I didn't step up?

I want Olivia to see that she can be brave , no matter the out come.

I am her example in all things as her mom. So for Olivia, because I lack the strength on my own, I can fight on Thursday and work my best to Let it all go, sing my heart out and not care about the outcome, because letting go and enjoying the journey is really a huge part of why we are here. Like that song, : "if you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you DANCE" ( I love that song) but for me It's " I hope you SING". and sing I will. Wish me luck because for once in my life I intend to put it all out there. not worrying about the outcome!

one heck of a morning.

2010-08-10T11:27:00.000-07:00

This morning i decided we should have a better day then yesterday. yesterday was just " one of those days" for me personally. By four in the afternoon i had a good melt down and I was grateful for my- always amazing- neighbor, who helped me put things back in perspective and end on a higher note.....literally!

So this morning I woke up tired but pretty determined to be and do better today.....so we found the back yard just beyond torn up by the lovely dog, I mean it was bad, so the kids started to pick it up while I cleaned inside. Olivia and I had to go round and around because she lied to me and then threw a HUGE fit when I pointed it out and sent her to her room.Joey had two HUGE blow outs and jackson decided his word of the day is " NO!!"- by ten I was already tired and decided to "start fresh" get a long shower and regroup.

As soon as I got out of the shower Olivia came running in yelling " the sink in over flowing all over onto the floor. " Luckily it was the garage sink, not so lucky our garage happens to be a crazy mess of things because of the kids pulling it totally apart this last week and not putting any thing away, so about 5 loads of laundry and too many things to name are now being soaked by my laundry water.

Olivia and I jump into action with buckets, dumping the water in the back yard...she was wonderful, unfortunately the rest of my children decided this was their moment to truly shine! joey had another blow out which I didn't catch in the moment because of the over flowing sink...so he wandered the neighbor hood with a mess all down his legs, the dog escaped and was running free ( she is hard to catch) and Jackson continued his mantra of " NO"as I am shouting for help with various things. I had to laugh a bit. I mean if I were our neighbors I would look and the nasty garage- now open to the world, the sink with water freely flowing into the street, the frantic mom, poop down the legs baby, crazy dog on the loose and DS yelling NO 5 years old and wonder who the heck these people were.

we are still working on getting the mess cleaned up....but currently we have all taken a break. so as I am trying to once again regroup this morning and get the house which is now worse then before cleaned up, on a day when I need to be on top of things because my husband has huge things going on, and I have to wonder what I am supposed to be learning at this moment, because it seems like I have had day after day like this lately. you know I actually was singing to myself this song, in the craziness...just because I needed it.

" my life is a gift, my life has a plan,
my life has a purpose in heaven it began,
my choice was to come to this lovely home and earth,
and seek for God light to direct me from birth,
I will follow Gods plan for me,
holding fast to his word and his love,
I will work and i will pray,
I will always walk in his way,
and I will be happy on earth,
and in my home above."

i suppose that all I need to remember right?

s

Sick

2010-08-05T11:59:00.000-07:00

I am Sick...I mean, I am SICK of being sick. It all stared the week of Eclipse, and it still hasn't gone away. so a now over a month of feeling like I can't breath..I can't run or swim, or sing or really clean properly. I am tired all the time...becuase I can't breath...so I am sick of it. I decided I was going to get better on sunday, just belivie it and pray about it and dang it, it was gonna work...it kind of did, but after a week of "getting better" I find myself in a worse spot then before, the cough has returned. Tomorrow is a third dr. appt. I hope she has some magic up her sleeve cause I am SO over this!! ( now that I have vented...I MAY be able to get over it) lol

the not so still pool

2010-08-04T15:12:00.000-07:00

Mike and I started P90X this week, OH MAN, I cant hardly move! So yesterday while I tried to cool down, I stepped out into our back yard and sat to enjoy the very calming still pool. It is such a pretty shade of blue and seemingly so still, which was refreshing since most of the time when I am out there I am playing with the kids and trying to keep Joey safe ( hes crazy).
as I watched the still water it occurred to me that it was never really still. In the big pool I could see the tiniest things such as a baby fly or seed of a plant sent small ripples across ed the entire body of water. since there are ALWAYS small things entering the water, its ALWAYS moving.

I thought about my stress level. I often think, If I could remove the stress from my life it would be like a calm pool, wouldn't that be relaxing? Except on this morning I realized it would not be possible for me to really enjoy the pool with out dipping into its refreshing waters. But if I let myself into the water then it creates bigger waves...the calmness of the still pool disappears, so if I am enjoying life, its probably going to come with some stress...maybe from trying to get all the things I need to get done, DONE..... and still enjoying the day, or maybe from wanting to go places and then working to afford it...either way stress comes with life....

In the end pools are not meant to be swam in alone..not if you want to have fun!! except I realized that If I have others join me in my pool,9 heck even my husband and kids...which obviously I chose that route in life =)) well, that creates huge waves and splashes...so it is with our life, the more people you let into your pool the more stress....

so the even though I understand better how stress works in my life -because of my pool, I also am learning how to manage, my waves and splashes and ripples and even enjoy them, because if the pool is like my life, then I better jump in and enjoy it!

By the way obviously I love analogy's this is just how my brain works, so for those of you who take the time to read this, Just know I really love you!!

garden days

2010-07-29T12:06:00.001-07:00

Despite the fact that the dog ate 90% of our garden about 12 tomato plants survived and we have grapes a plenty! so here are some pictures of the kids enjoying it! I makes me SO happy to see the few things we have been able to grow and the Kids eating them like they are the best thing ever!

American Idol

2010-07-28T15:24:00.000-07:00

SO today I finally allowed myself to think about it....I have not been able to in the past because its a mixture of...well lets face it, I have to fight all my insecure demons, to possibly(?) (working on being positive here) get shot down and told that I should listen to them after all.....

you are probably wondering what I am talking about, let me tell you! My cute family started a face book page called " we think Brigette should try out for American Idol" and yes it has about 50 people family and friends on it. The thing is, they have all been so sweet and supportive that it made me wonder if my demons were real or fake, I suppose one way to find out its to try...

SO knowing that if anything came about, This blog would all the sudden be read by more the two or three people, lol, I want it to be know that I love to sing, when I am happy, sad or angry or confused, I sit down at that piano and sing my heart out. My poor neighbors get a concert every day because I love to sing! It is one of the things that makes me happy in those moments when nothing else can.

I am not young, I don't have a Mariah Carey like voice, but maybe I can let me self think that the world would enjoy hearing a Mom of three, wife of ten years, PTA loving, Relief Society goin' girl sing her heart out, and maybe they would even enjoy it. Maybe not...I mean the insecure demons say no one wants to hear it. BUT If I can get a my voice back, I am going to drive myself those two hours and try to remember how cute girls dress and do their makeup and sing my heart out...and MAYBE some one will enjoy it!

So, if you few friends and family who read this blog and love me, just because you do and you want to help, I need song suggestions. I love jazz and I need three songs with about 18 seconds of awesomeness....any suggestions?

suppose I should keep posting!

2010-07-28T10:53:00.000-07:00

I have had issues with my blog lately its taking FOREVER to load, but today its working so I suppose I should post! The summer is almost over ( which I can not believe) but that makes me reflect on what we have done with our summer and what we still want to do with the few weeks left, here are a few- very few- pictures of our summer. Looking at our pictures I realized it been an awesome summer because we have done basically two things...Hang out with the family constantly ( which is incredible since we live over 7 hours apart) and SWIM since this is our very first summer with a pool of our own...its pretty much been awesome!! Can any one remember if I blogged about joey and the 18 eggs? I just found those very sweet pictures. SO, with the few more weeks left, I think we will " just keep swimming" and get our house organized and ready for the new crazy school year!

sleepin on a rock...

2010-07-26T11:46:00.000-07:00

This last weekend my husband and I had the privilege to go on the Stake pioneer trek with the youth. it was incredible! It effected me in ways I can not even begin to describe..so I won't try. =) but It truly was a blessing and honor to be there and be part of it.

We only got to stay one night up there, but our one night taught me a lesson, Which I already shared with a few people, so, sorry to you guys! Mike put up our tents for us, originally I was going to sleep in the tent with with the girls and mike was going to take the one man by himself, but as the night came close I didn't want him to be alone, so I skipped the girl party to be with my man-the only problem was this- he reserved the best spot of ground for the ladies, and put himself in what I thought for sure must be the worst spot of ground possible! there were rocks in my shoulder, hips and knees, it was a really rough night! The next morning as we were taking down the tent I mentioned to my friend how horrible it was, the worst part was that I knew from experience that once we removed the tarp from the ground it would probably be revealed to me that they were tiny rocks..nothing even worth noticing. I have had this happen quite a few times before! we laughed about it and then talked about how this could be a good analogy for life.

sometimes when we look at others we can see their life and we see the pain they are going through, often times while they are in the process of whining about their pain we might think " but your rocks are so tiny...are you really going to whine about this??" Makes sense right, how many trials have felt so huge to you? so painful? yet when we look back in life we can see that they were mere stepping stones to becoming better and stronger, and perhaps we even see that our rocks weren't so big after all. Of course there are those cases when the rocks weren't mere pebbles but boulders...but that's not what I want to focus on. Think about how you perceive others? are you looking at them and questioning their trials? Have you not had your own rocks to deal with? I am sure you have been questioned in those "rocky" moments and you want to scream at the person questiong you "HELLO?? DON"T YOU SEE THIS ROCK I AM DEALING WITH??" the answer is yes, they see it....just they see it differently and are not feeling it like you.

So we lift the tarp and guess what, I didn't even have rocks! It was just bumpy dirt! I felt so dumb...but it really was painful and uncomfortable! It made me evaluate our analogy a bit more to realize that no matter how big or small or maybe even NOT EXISTENT others rocks may look, its hard for them, whatever the trial and I can help by loving them and being their friend, until the day they lift their own tarp up to realize where they have come from and what they learned. Have a wonderful week every body!

weapons of rebellion

2010-07-16T09:07:00.000-07:00

Today I was outside reading my scriptures when a certain verse struck me hard. Its in Alma where Aaron and his brothers are teaching the Lamanites the Gospel and its says this of the Lamanites conversion:

Alma 23:7
For they became a righteous people; they did lay down the weapons of their rebellion, that they did not fight against God anymore, neither against any of their brethren.

I wonder what kind of weapons they were laying down, I don't know about you but if I am "fighting against God" its not with a sword or gun, its with weapons named: selfish, stubborn, prideful, hard hearted.....these are my weapons, and after some time I usually am humbled By my my own mistakes and issues at those moments I realize I have be clutching with all my strength these useless weapons.

I can not think of an instance when being selfish is going to bring me or my family closer to God. SO I just was thinking. WHAT ARE my weapons of rebellion? I mean what am I clutching on to that is putting distance between me and God, me and my family and friends? What walls am I building, I know in my mind these things are some how protecting me, but only when I put them down and start to have trust, faith and love fill my heart, is when I will be happy and have peace and grow closer to those I love and God.

I think one of my weapons of rebellion is Fear, I am scared of being hurt, rejected, made fun of...maybe its insecurity- I don't know, BUT fear seems to stop me from being ME! it stops me from opening my mouth or reaching out...fear is a weapon. so now I have been honest with you..be honest with yourself...what are your weapons of rebellion, maybe its time to put them down.

hmmm....

2010-07-15T23:13:00.000-07:00

Today I was driving in my car ( I have been doing that a lot this week!) and It struck me that If I was in advertising I for sure would have a bleak out look on the general population.....I heard ad after ad appealing to those of us who would like to "sit on our butts all the time", who never get enough "me time" those of us who just don't feel good about ourselves so we need to go out and buy things because...well didn't you know.... if you buy things for yourself you will instantly feel better? I just had to stop and think..when did it become o.k to be selfish and lazy and be willing to pay any amount of money to do so? its and interesting experiment to start listening to an ad and think about what they are really saying, the message they are encouraging...listen this week. see what you think. because I think all the messages that are being sent out are really hurting our image of ourselves. they are demoralizing and provocative...its sad really.

if we are being honest....

2010-07-13T11:27:00.000-07:00

If I am going to be honest with myself then I would have to admit that I have not blogged in so long that I was not totally sure if I had the blog address right when I was typing it into my mothers computer........

If I HAVE to be honest with myself, I would admit that its be so long since I blogged that I dont even know what to write anymore.....

And if I am going to keep up with this honesty thing...... I would say that while I am excited to start sending the thoughts in my head and the happenings of our family out into the wonderful world of the internet, I can not promise I will be 100% committed to consistent blogging....I mean, right now I had to stop typing this little thought so I could pick soggy rice krispie cereal out of joeys hair and ears and eye brows......that pretty much sums it up. So I'm back blogging world...watch out!

Elder Russell M. Nelson is Coming to town!

2010-05-31T13:46:00.000-07:00

This coming weekend elder Russell M. Nelson is coming to Yuba city for stake conference. The closer it gets, the more excited I get! You know, if a movie start were to walk in front of me...it might be cool, but in the end I ahave never gotten into that stuff to much because they are just really rich people who seem to have more problems then I would care for, BUT Elder Nelson is totally different. He is an Apostle of God. I mean, this man is Chosen by God to teach us what we need in these times. He is not just an person, he is a man of god.

So of course- since I am a goofy little lady- I have thought about what would happen if I ran into him around town or if he stopped by the house. ( at this moment feel free to laugh yourself off your chair.) In all my thinking it occurred to me that maybe I wouldn't want him to stop by my half-done house, and see my family in the disarray that seems to abound here. I mean the house should be clean, and my walls that need painted should be done, and my pictures hung....We haven't finished all the work this house needs. Now, if you are saying to yourself " what on earth Brigette!?! those are not the things that matter!" have no fear, because literally 30 seconds into my dramatic thoughts of despair over Elder Nelson coming to my house (which there is no chance of) the Lord blessed me with a light bulb moment.

So here I am in my crazy house with stuff strewn about, the kids in the other room playing and Joey running around half naked ( like always) And I know one thing. If Elder Nelson were to stop by here, it would be nice to have my house at least clean, but more importantly I hope He would see how much we love our children. I hope my children would be polite, not because the are scared that mom and dad will get after them if they aren't- But I hope they would be polite because they know of whom the man standing in their home is, and have some amount of respect for him. I hope Mike and I would have taken the time that day and the days before to say our prayers, read our scriptures, and all the others things we know we should do, so that when we shake the Hand of this Man of God we could feel good about ourselves, we could feel peace. I hope that we have treated our children and each other with the respect consistently enough that the spirit of God would dwell with in the walls of our home.
It took a few seconds but this day dreaming caused me to reflect on the most important things in life, it Caused me to pause and evaluate where we are as individuals and as a family, it gave me the nudge to make some changes long over due. I am not, nor will I probably ever be, perfect. But I know the things in life that matter most. They aren't the fresh coats of paint, cute decorations or shiny floors. The most important things in life are God, and my standing before him,as well as my families. The most important things I have live with in the walls of this home, whoa re they? am I teaching them the right things? the Most important things?. if those things are not in order then we are more lost then we realize. I pray as the Hellers Prepare to hear the words of a prophet, that we will have the courage to be better and follow his words.

The Deal-

2010-05-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

there have been a few disputes about money around the house. Jack says its his, Olivia says its hers, and some how mom has no change in her purse anymore. But please do not let your heart be troubled because the kids have struck a deal and peace will abound from here on out. heres the deal according to Jack:

"If Olivia finds money, she puts it in her purse, If I find money I keep it and some times give it to her."

ME: " so you keep the money you find in your wallet and sometimes she is going to give you the money she finds?"

Jack: " no we keep all the money in her wallet and she doesn't have to give me anything she finds."

How does that girl do it??? she sells you some plan and you think you are getting a deal only to realize later she took everything and you got nothing. Shes a sales woman in the making!

how to kill a frog

2010-05-07T08:36:00.000-07:00

This morning I find myself googling the topic " nicest way to kill a frog".

we have an invasion. two weeks ago Olivia and some friends went out to the pond to catch the "two" frogs we heard croking every night. These frogs are SO loud and she couldn't sleep at night. after an hour of hunting the kids came back with SEVEN frogs and thats just around our tiny gold fish pond. Olivia really wanted to put their little lives to an end, but my soft heart just couldn't -so we set them free. Well guess what? they are back and louder then ever! Not to mention they are out in our back yard around the pool. I can only imagine how many frogs think they should hang out in there. We have found them in our pool filter to! If we don't stop the invasion they could ruin the pool. Olivia is back to sleepless nights and I know there is NO WAY she will just let them go again, she was mad we let them go the first time.

So here I am. preparing for another Friday night...and googling " nicest way to kill a frog".

funny.

2010-05-05T08:14:00.000-07:00

The Dog ate my garden. I spent hours and hours preparing the soil and planting, and she jumped the fence and ate the garden.

This resulted in an frustrated and angry Brigette.

The decision was made to run the dog every day and see if my early morning run with her would alleviate her destructive ways.

This brings us to today.

Olivia. " mom...are you going to waer THAT when you take me to school today?"

me- " yes, I had to take angie out this morning and I am doing yard work so it doesn't make sense to shower right now."

Olivia. " I guess its o.k. most moms where that to school anyway..."

who knew she even noticed my efforts to be ready for the day before dropping her off?

stinky garbage?

2010-04-06T20:15:00.000-07:00

the kids have to clean the bath rooms for 7 days, I won't say why, but tonight Olivia yelled

"I have to take out the garbage? I don't want to take out your garbage its a stinky garbage"

I might add, we take the bathroom trash out every day so they aren't that stinky..but isn't all garbage a little gross and stinky? I think so.

o.k

2010-04-05T08:06:00.000-07:00

o.k, so I wish I had something amazing to say about this week end, but I don't. I had a great time being with my little family, listening to conference and laughing at Big Grandmas ethical dilemmas.

At one point I found my self offended because this years Easter Bunny was dubbed "the Worst Easter bunny ever" because they couldn't find the last two eggs. After a lot of snide remarks and me recounting the eggs in their baskets, it was discovered that the last two eggs they had been searching for, were already found. So there had to be some back tracking on the part of at least Mike. lol.

Conference reminded me that I have some changes to make in my life to be where I want and need to be. Can I just say elder Uchtdorf is just amazing? He always has a message that speaks right to my heart! if its been on my mind, he talks about it, or at least it feels like that. =)

so here is one funny story:
we were sitting around the dinner table after our Easter activity was done ( the one I posted before this post) and talking about all sorts of Easter stuff. In particular we were trying to figure out what the Easter bunny had to do with Christ. Anyway one thing led to another and we found our selves talking about Jacks friend who claimed he was going to "catch the bunny and lock it away forever" to which Olivia replied " why would you want to catch the bunny anyway? I mean, its just a regular bunny that talks about Jesus, why catch a regular bunny?"

I thought it was completely random, I mean, who said the bunny talks about Jesus? The imagery is pretty funny, a bunny giving a nice sermon on Easter! lol. she cracks me up. I just agreed with her and moved on.

A fun thing to do for Easter.

2010-04-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

I posted this last year and This year I am actually going to try it out with the kids! I can't wait.

This is a great tradition to start with the family. Read from the scriptures as you spend time together baking cookies. Each step of the recipe parallels a truth from the quoted scriptures.

Ingredients:

1 cup pecan halves
1 teaspoon distilled white vinegar
3 egg whites
1 pinch salt
1 cup white sugar

Directions:

Preheat oven to 300° F (150° C).

Place pecans in zipper baggie and let children beat them with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces. Explain that after Jesus was arrested, He was beaten by the Roman soldiers.

Read John 19:1-3

Let each child smell the vinegar. Put 1 tsp. vinegar into mixing bowl. Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross, He was given vinegar to drink.

Read John 19:28-30

Add egg whites to vinegar. Eggs represent life. Explain that Jesus gave His life to give us life.

Read John 10:10-11

Sprinkle a little salt into each child's hand. Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl. Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus' followers, and the bitterness of our own sin.

Read Luke 23:27

So far, the ingredients are not very appetizing. Add 1 cup sugar. Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loves us. He wants us to know and belong to Him.

Psalms 34:8 and John 3:16

Beat with a mixer on high speed for 12 to 15 minutes until stiff peaks are formed. Explain that the color white represents the purity in God's eyes of those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus.

Read Isaiah 1:18 and John 3:1-3

Fold in broken nuts. Drop by teaspoons onto wax paper covered cookie sheet. Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus' body was laid.

Read Matthew 27:57-60

Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn the oven OFF. Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door. Explain that Jesus' tomb was sealed.

Read Matthew 27:65-66

Go to bed. Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight. Jesus' followers were in despair when the tomb was sealed.

Read John 16:20 and 22

On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie. Notice the cracked surface and take a bite. The cookies are hollow! Explain that on the first Easter, Jesus' followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty.

Read Matthew 28:1-9

I Hope you all have an amazing Easter!

wacky Wednesday

2010-03-31T08:30:00.000-07:00

Today is wacky Wednesday at school, and some one is feeling a little bit wacky!!

melt downs make me a great mother.

2010-03-30T16:42:00.000-07:00

MELT DOWNS MAKE ME A GREAT MOTHER!! Yep its true, thats what I decided after having a minor melt down today. you see, I woke up to a house full of things like these:

now maybe you think this is horrific or maybe you think these are no big deal, let me be totally honest with you, this only a taste of what the rest looks like....these shots were crafted to only give you a TASTE. lol. you must understand that I have been up with a sick baby to many night now to...

so after what has been a very long week, month, few months, I finally hit a breaking point and had a melt down. I am thankful for Sister Love who reminded me where to turn to get extra help and reassured me she would " pray for me"- if that tells you anything about how I was doing. BUT after it was all said and done I realized that this melt down actually said something good about me! ( always looking for the silver lining!)
I am busy, so busy because I love my children, my husband, my heavenly Father and my friends, and when you love all those people so much it means you want to do things FOR them and WITH them, which makes you BUSY! At some point you might even get overwhelmed and even- just maybe- have a melt down. But as long as all those people understand that everything I do is for them, then its o.k.
I cried, I am exhausted and now I am ready to have a good nights sleep and get up tomorrow and fight the good fight. I know I am not alone in having these moments, so just remember...an occasional Meltdown probably means a you are a pretty decent person working your best each day to do a little more then you are capable of, all for the people you love. so MELT DOWN ladies and then smile, pray and move on. tomorrow is a new day to learn how to "say no, and manage your time," but if not, oh well. love you!

The Ghetto board

2010-03-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

Just over a week ago, we had a rather large gathering of friends over. there was a hot sauce eating contest, music, lots of rockband, and the rumor of swimming. Just for fun Mike thought we should add a diving board, now due to lack of time, mike had to improvise, this is what he came up with:

I call it The Ghetto board,the word "the" should always be used when referring to this piece of magic in the hellers back yard.....we have been laughing about it all week!

Can I tell you a secret?

2010-03-26T10:46:00.000-07:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking about this the last few days. I have been running around for several months now doing these HUGE projects and praying along the way they would somehow turn out o.k. Well here I am at the end of this current wave of crazy and everything worked out! It even more then worked out, its gone amazingly well.
So with all these amazing feats unfolding I have had many compliments as to the jobs preformed, but heres the thing..it wasn't me.
For every job I have completed there have been amazing individuals along the way who have been there helping and for every idea that comes from me, a prayer was uttered asking for help. I just really believe, wait I KNOW that while I am blessed to be able to do so many cool things, in the end, its not me- never has been. I can't paint worth anything, My cooking skills have always been lacking in the past, while I love to decorate, Things always had some random weird ness to them in the end, but these last few years all the sudden most of that has gone away. I guess what I am getting at is this:
I will share with you the way to do anything you want....
Be fearless, because you can't do anything of value be being scared all the time and worrying about the turn out, but most importantly, turn it over the the Man in charge Tell him your weaknesses, ask for the strength to do what you can not normally do, trust that while you are engaged in a good cause he will be there to help. I know that this is why these amazing things have come about, its not anything I have actually done differently, its all a manifestation of The Lord working in my life, so that others can benefit, because for each thing I have done well, it was for other people around me.
So thats it, its the secret, you want to do anything? go For it! make sure all your doings are for others and not for the benefit of yourself, and pray like crazy. Its been pretty amazing to feel the Lord working in my life in such a huge way, things I never thought I could do I am doing. pretty amazing!

you know your a mom whenh

2010-03-24T19:50:00.000-07:00

You know your a mom when.....

you are so tired from running, I mean RUNNING every where all day....that you feel like crying. yet, you know the next day will be the same and you wouldn't change it because you love them...

you know your a mom when.....

all you smell is poop no matter how hard you clean your house, because you have changed SO many gross diapers in one day, and cleaned up other stinky messes of the same nature from your older child.

and most importantly you know your a mom when......

that darn gross smell STILL wont go away and you realize at the end of the night its because some how it got from your hands ( which you don't know how that possible with all the washing of hands going on!!!) to your face, yes it just happened. Isn't being a mom just as peachy as roses?!?

I still love being a mom, just really ready for bed time! =)

trouble a-brewin'

2010-03-23T08:30:00.000-07:00

a

We have this child in our house, he is sweet and livley and funny. we laugh at him more then I have ever laughed at any child, but he likes to stir up trouble. You might not guess by looking at his sweet face that he screamed until every one around him retreated during the wedding cake ordeal, or that yesterday while I cooked 30 LBS of chicken for R.S he TRASHED me house with the dog in tow. Most days while I unload the dishwasher, he unloads to cupboards faster then I have time to keep up with. He steals cookies any chance he gets and digs in the garbage. I am always pulling him off the table and counters.
He is trouble in a word, and we adore him! He is my first child that is fearless and crazy, He will probably break a few bones and end up with stitches...but none of my other kids have been adventurous enough to even go there. He bites, hits and pushes, yet I feel a sense of pride that he sticks up for himself, my other two can be bullies by the kids in nursery......seriously I have witnessed it. So here are a few cute pictures of this little one, that I have no doubt will bring me many adventures to come. That's him stuffing cotton candy in his mouth as fast as he can at spring training. I cant help but smile every time he looks at me!

b-day

2010-03-22T14:11:00.000-07:00

all he wanted was a DS.....

t-ball

2010-03-21T15:32:00.000-07:00

Jack sarted T-ball, Last week was his first game. he Loves to be the star. he gives the CUTEST smiles right before he hits the ball as hard as he can! Yesterday he hit a pretty big hit to! most of the time he stands out there in left feild with his glove on the wrong hand trying to " wake up" like his coach is always yelling at them...after his first game he asked on the way home " mom why is that guys always yelling "wake up River dogs!" at us?? WE ARE AWAKE! " It was too cute. anyway here are a few pictures of the big boy. As you can see, Joey can't wait to bee big enough to join the fun.

So much going on..

2010-03-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

With every thing going on , my blogs have been sporadic at best. I will attempt to catch ya'll up this last week actually on March 8th olivia lost her very first tooth! she is on of the only people she know who had not yet lost her tooth, so the excitement level was pretty high, here are some pictures of her getting ready for bed!

Cakes, cakes, cakes

2010-03-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

WELL....I have always wanted to posses the talent of making beautiful cakes...this week I got to try it out! between the last two weeks I have used over 24 cakes mixes, 80 eggs, 13 bags of powdered sugar and around 7 boxes of fondant..and lots and lot and lots of time and money! But I think my first official cakes went pretty well.... with a lot of prayers and help from both people I love and divine help!

laugh

2010-02-21T14:29:00.000-08:00

there are a few people in my life who make me laugh a lot, Mike first..he makes me laugh EVERY day, and Ranner next. I love her qirky sense of humor! check it out, its definitley good for a Laugh!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wq2oPmttDMk

the big three

2010-02-19T08:21:00.000-08:00

in the next month I have three BIG events coming up. all three involve a lot of people, food, and lasting memories. Two of the three are Brigette's in charge events, the middle one I am not in charge of but have A LOT to do during the week of and day of the event. I woke up this morning and realized nothing on my end is set in stone for any of these events...the the first starts in two weeks with one occurring every week after that- not including Jacks birthday ( which must include an awesome cake) or the Family BBQ at the school or my two trips to AZ........hmmm...looks like I have some work to do!

a hot dog...

2010-02-16T09:47:00.000-08:00

I have been posting about Jack a lot, but that's o.k since he is the middle child and often gets missed in all the craziness. I just found these two pictures- several months ago we found this suit for 20.00 at Marshalls, it could not be cuter if we had spent 100.00. He is SO handsome in it. It forces me to realize that some day all too soon my sweet little Jack will be big and gone. I usually try to forget that fact.
The hot dog picture I took on an interesting day. I was having a "bad" day; nothing huge had happened, it just was " one of those days", you know the kind I am talking about..right? Every one has them.
While we were grocery shopping, Jackson found some gluten free/dairy free hot dog buns. He begged and begged for them until I gave in. When we got home I was tired and grouchy, but he begged me for hot dogs. I finally did make him his hot dog ( it took a whole forty seconds) and then The Lord helped me open my eyes to Jacks daily lifeh a little bit.
Jackson was SO excited about the fact that he ACTUALLY got to eat a hot dog IN A BUN!! To you an me this seems so small, but to a little boy who just wants to be "normal" the moment he got to have a bun with his hot dog was huge. It really made me stop and think. Maybe my day wasn't so bad after all, I mean I never had to go with out anything, or dream of eating a hot dogin a bun like every other child. Needless to say with a heart that felt a little more humble, the night was a good one, I am thankful for the challenge I have in feeding my family a little different, it forces me to grow and improve the cooking skills that God is blessing me with. Now off to figure out what on earth we are going to eat this week! wish me luck!!

grape fruit for cleaning!?!

2010-02-12T10:20:00.000-08:00

About a year ago I was watching a episode of clean house UK. It was about a man was a living in a NASTY situation, I don't remember the circumstances, only that is was gross. The ladies came in, fixed everything and taught the man how to live a cleaner life. The main thing I remember about this show was that they used grapefruit and baking soda to clean the grossest tub I have even seen. The result was amazing, life went on and I forgot about it.
Now flash your self forward to this morning, a morning when I had my house almost where I wanted it ( including laundry!) I had a few chores to do and then off to a V-day party in livy class. Some how in a the peace that was to be today, I created madness!! It all started when Jack and I were reading...Jack was doing a great job..until Joey started screaming like crazy..it was nap time. so we sat down with a sippy cup and watched a bit of t.v only to be pounced on over and over by Angie. SHE STUNK! After half an hour of trying to get joey to bed and battling a stinky dog, I decided she needed a bath.
on to the bath.....
she is crazy and sheds like no dog I have ever seen during a bath. After joey screamed through angies bath, and I fought her the whole time...I realized I need to clean and sterilize our bathroom, and all the sudden I remembered the grapefruit! luckily, ( or not so lucky) livys teacher had given us some grapefruit earlier in the week! I have not found a single cleaner yet that has worked on the old stains in my shower, the previous owners must not have cleaned it too often for the buildup that is there.....
So I went to work. As I started the scrubbing on the shower glass door I felt a sense of pure euphoria! It was working and not only did it work- but it smelt heavenly!!! little did I know, but half an hour after that, I would be still cleaning the shower basin, the "heavenly aroma" now smelled like stinky dog grapefruit, Joey kept eating the baking soda and the dog would not leave me alone she, was trying to lick everything in sight. I ended up scrubbing my whole bathroom three times, trying each time to get rid of the pieces of grapefruit. I THINK I got them all. the smell did not stay nice, it was a huge mess, and now I need a second shower for the day...at least I really love my other bathroom, which is brand new and beautiful, I will post some pictures this next week!
anyway I would not recommend using grapefruit as a cleaner, it was fun at first but quickly turned a disaster for me. If any one knows any was to get rid of calcium and water stains on class let me know...and I also need to figure out how to get the build up off the tile the surrounds the top of my pool...any one know????

oh my goodness-melt my heart!

2010-02-11T15:26:00.000-08:00

Joey loves the phone, his favorite people to talk to are dad and aunt carianne( she got a lot out of him last time). I took this picture about two weeks ago when he was on the phone with his dad. he wasn't saying much but his expression said it all. I love this little man, with him in our home we feel more joy the we ever thought possible...and maybe more stress too! =) I just wanted to share his cute cute smile!

valentines cake...

2010-02-10T18:48:00.000-08:00

Jackson LOVES to cook, his very favorite channel on T.V is the food network and his all time favorite show is Cake Boss on TLC. Since he has several eating issues, Its been fun to include him in my cooking over the last two years. He comes up with the most random ideas for creating " new dishes". last night is a perfect example- we ate pizza; now obviously with a no wheat/ no dairy diet that makes pizza hard thing to eat. The crust is no good and either is the cheese ( my favorite parts) so we bought a gluten free crust and put sauce and pepperoni and pineapple...it was missing something, so he decided the finishing touch would be sprinkles...yes sprinkles. It wasn't my first choice but since he had his own pizza, it didn't matter, after one slice ( I put the sprinkles on slice by slice) he decided he needed more toppings next time...and no sprinkles.

Tomorrow Jack has a preschool v-day party. I knew there was a good chance he would be handed something he couldn't eat..by accident. I have great friends who all try very hard to give his preschool things he can eat, but with such a limiting diet, accidents are bound to happen. Jack and I talked about it and decided we would not do valentine cards but make a yummy gluten free/ dairy free cake for every one! since we spend every day watching pervessionals deal with fondant, we also decided this would be a great cake to try it on! It was fun designing it and putting the pieces together....the recipe was awesome! I have tasted the cake and frosting already. we were going to stick to pink red and white..but last minute jack had to add blue. He did almost the whole cake himself..not bad for 4!

lucky charms..

2010-02-08T09:43:00.000-08:00

Joseph likes to eat..I mean he REALLY likes to eat. Each Sunday we take snacks and a sippy cup for him. I never liked to do that with my other children, but with him, it seems like there is no other option for getting through church. Yesterday, his dad packed his snack..so he hit the jack pot with lucky charms and extra marshmallows! While I was anything but thrilled to be feeding him straight sugar, I realized really quick that this was a good thing for joey.

Normally, when he eats he tries to use utensils; he lacks the skills of course but he tries really hard for the first half. after a while he decided the effort is not worth it. throws the spoon and fork to the ground and double fists his food into his mouth..seriously, its amazing to all who have witnessed it. Since he has chosen this path to eating, his fine motor skils are....dare I say lacking? yes I dare.

BUT in a sudden twist of fate, he was fed Lucky charms yesterday. So he spent his three hours of church carefully digging through the bag of cereal with his two little fingers, insuring that he only had to eat the marshmallows. After a while this became pretty sticky, no fear, when the actual cereal got stuck to his hands he would just wave them as hard as he could until it all shook off, and reach his hand back into the bag. It was very funny and sweet. I was impressed with the amount of fine motor skill he actually had....thanks mike for being a great dad!

some many things..

2010-02-05T08:44:00.000-08:00

This last week and a half I have been with out the internet. there were "so many things" that I wanted to blog about....and now I can't remember a single one. life changes so fast and things happen so quick if I don't write it down when it happens...I loose it. Jack has been hilarious as always, since I remember one story I will write it just to keep it. =)

the other day we were shopping at Marshalls and I had been looking for a new bra. ( I will keep this PG rated...just kidding. ) ANYWAY, I was walking down one of the Isles and Jack points to one and says " mom, I think you should get this one." (me, laughing on the inside that my son thinks he should help out here) " why?" (jack) "Because it's sexy!"
all I could do was laugh..where on earth did he hear that word? hes FOUR! the lady in the isle about fell over, she even bent down to look under the racks and see what kind of mom I was...lol. of course I told him he was a little to sweet and a little too young to use that word. It just didn't sound right coming out of his mouth- but it was funny.

little Livy told us all about tether ball last night. I have watched the kids on the play ground, it like being called out to a ring fight. they sand on the outside of the circle and wait to get picked, then when you do, yelling erruptes from all those watching, name calling, and betting. its INTESNSE. Livy has been braving the circle for about two months now. as always her few girl friends have long since given up, the sport being to harsh. But not livy. one of her very best friends ( a boy) is even making fun of her skill at this point. but she just refuses to give up. he determination is inspiring at times and worrisome in other times. We encouraged her to keep on fighting and show those boys she is not to be made fun of. its what she would have done anyway, hopefully we just gave her the courage to do her best. she is a fascinating little girl. so much like me and mike in different ways.

Joey...what to say. he climbs on everything..eats what ever he can, he taken a keen liking to pencil erasers and dice...just what every mom dreams of. He has the most amazing smile. and he can light up any room. he is cuddly and sweet and the only time he cryies is when you take away a tool in his hand and when he hungry. having the contractor here every day has been a dream to him. the other day I walked into our tv room to find him almost to the top of a 6 ft ladder....yeah, my heart skipped a few beats on that one. he thinks he is big, and has the look in his eyes of " this is just what big people do!" when he colors or eats with his utensil, and yet hes barley 1 so he lacks the skills to do big things.
I love being a mom now more then I ever have. Life is to wonderful, and my only complaints are so petty that when I say then I know I am not being to person I should be. Life is to wonderful to complain about dumb things, so please forgive me when I do..I just haven't mastered that perfect thing yet! =) I hope all is well with you all. I love you and have enjoyed catching up one everyones blogs.

SATURDAY!!

2010-01-30T11:38:00.000-08:00

I am feeling good its Saturday! Time to gear up for my favorite day of the week, and reset my ways for the next crazy week! Saturday is wonderful because its the only day of the week when I actually get to decide my schedule! Nothing telling what I have to do or when. I hope you all have a fabulous Saturday too!

something in the air.

2010-01-29T18:10:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is about today, but it just needed to be a blogging day. This morning was uneventful, which to me these days is like a vacation, there was nothing on the "HAVE TO DO RIGHT NOW OR ELSE EVERYTHING BLOWS UP!" list....sweet Joey was sick, so I was forced to get some phone calls done, watch a little project runway and rock my baby. It was nice.

This afternoon I painted the crown molding in the family room, celebrated the tile getting done in the bathroom, received a phone call that stressed me out, made a random dinner, and here I am.
The house is finally getting where it feel good. I look around and see many future projects, new base bords in the bedrooms, new door in livy and jacks rooms, Jackson would love some shelves in his room and maybe a door handle =) But all in all each and every thing we do from next week out, will only make our home nicer then it already is, which we think is pretty nice! I will have to post some pictures when I get to our other computer..where they are stored.

so here I am just feeling odd and grateful for life all at once. we have been so abundantly blessed right now, I dont even know where to start to thank my Heavenly Father. I can not remember a time in our marriage when he has poured out so many blessings at one time for us. Of course In my mind I feel very confused and conflicted at this time..it seems like when there are blessings, its also the time when I don't deserve it the least, grateful for them, but confused as to why the Lord is so gracious to a unworthy soul sometimes..

I have had to make many changes to adapt to our new busy life of three kids, and law school. It often causes me to reflect on who I am and where I am going. I find my self looking back to where I have been, its almost like I am grasping desperately at that former me knowing she was pretty cool( in a few select areas), and yet I have changed, I am not the same and who I become is left for me to determined, I feel caught between past and future...is this a mid life crisis I am having?!? lol. It sounds more serious then I mean it. But it has been in the air for a while and I feel it pulling me in...and yet the "it" I describe is unidentifiable. I don't know where I am headed in the near future, and yet I feel "it" out there as if I am searching and "it" is waiting and at some point, I will know I have found what I am looking for. Oddly enough I found my self reading a similar statement in Sarah Pailin's new book. she describes the time between one of her endeavors and the run for Governor. I related to what she said, I don't think her path is mine, I just related to the feeling. So I know I am not crazy, just searching, I will find it.

I am not alone. In this grand journey I have many things( to clarify in saying "things" I mean the gospel, scriptures, ect.) and many people who love me and want to see me succeed even if the" it" I am searching for is just learning to love in greater lengths or in a deeper way, or reaching out to some one I had not thought of, or finding more peace in the reading of a book to my angels instead of letting lives many diversions capture my attention. It doesn't matter where I am headed for now, as long as I do what I know I should and have eternal goals (which I happen to have. =) ) it will all work out. Time to get on my knees...get up... and go to WORK! And In the mean time I just keep reminding my self of what Sis. Wilson taught me: To look behind and examine my past plowed rows, only make crooked one moving forward.
I must embrace to good of the past and use it to create a better straighter stronger row in the future!

Its the New year!

2010-01-06T22:39:00.000-08:00

Well since its a new year I am determined to start blogging again. Its something I love and Its something I have not been doing, with life being so CRAZY! This move took everything out of me and more.
It was a much longer process then expected, with a short stay at the in-laws, then a quick move in, with out great friends it could not have ever happened. But that was only the start. we Painted Thursday and Friday, moved in Saturday, my mom came to town Sunday, we unpacked all we could Monday and Tuesday and by Wednesday we rollin' out to southern Cali for thanksgiving. It was MAD. The great news is; we love our new home. It needs work still, I think we underestimated the amount of work it needed at first, BUT it feels good, and it fits us.

Jackson has had some blood work done, here is a crazy thing. The results told us he was allergic to Dairy and peanuts...NOT wheat or gluten . you know, the thing we have been avoding like the plauge for three years now. SO for the last several weeks we have had both our boys on a strict diet of No DAIRY-NO PEANUTS-NO WHEAT-NO SOY to get their bodies healthly and strong to figure out whats really going on. It has been interesting. It leaves us with rice, veggies, fruits and meats. the dairy is kicking my butt a little bit. Two days ago I decided to add wheat to jacks diet and see how it went.....we were at a buffet. He was SO excited, I think even more then on Christmas. He piled his plate with noodles and fried chicken, potatoes dusted in some wheat based topping. HE LOVED IT. By that night the coughing and wheezing told me that no matter what the blood work says, hes got some issue with wheat, maybe someday we will figure out what. Joeys is reacting the same.
Yaya is good. Bossy right now, she thinks she is the mommy of the house (seriously). the other day we took the kids for a "special" treat, we ate dinner at Sam's Club ( aren't we just crazy! lol), Joey knocked my drink over and before I could even move, Yaya was running to get napkins and rushing to get back but she didn't stop there, oh no, the little mommy of the house jumped down on the floor and cleaned the mess lickety split. we had to tell her it was " clean enough" before she would get up.
Anyway thats a weird and short update. I can't wait to tell you all about today, but hopefully with some pictures...just think this one word.."PORKAS" and then know it should be said orca's -my kids just refuse to believe me and grandma. I love the life I am living! =)

2009-12-20T10:52:00.000-08:00

"stretch, reach, for that kind of disciple ship that can take you far beyond where you thought you could go." (Neal A. Maxwell, in a BYU Idaho devotional, feb 6th, 2000)

This morning I listened to the devotional on BYU T.V. , I am SO grateful to have this channel back in our home. It really does help me to feel so much more connected to our church and our leaders. As I listened to this beautiful devotional I found my heart yearning to be better, to reach higher. Elder Maxwell spoke of our life and the trials we have here, he taught that we must understand that this life should not be looked at in a negative light- but- with an attitude of learning; because this life is what will teach us the ways of the master, it is our class room.

I can not sit here in our new home with our three beatiful children and NOT acknowledge The Lords hand in our life. he has blessed us so abundantly, I can clearly see this right now, and I am grateful for the gift of seeing the blessings, sometimes I think that can be a hardest part of it all..just seeing and recognizing what he has given us instead of feeling overwhelmed and alone. when we see clearly our many blessings, life does not feel near as overwhelming. when I don't see my blessing I feel hurt, sad and lonley, right now I feel like a light has been turned on! before I sat scared and frustrated in the dark and when I light came on I could see I was in a beautiful safe place with so many people who love me. when my eyes are open and my heart is soft, I am always amazed at what he has done for me. I am looking forward to reaching a little farther and higher and seeing just where I can go!

to young, yet too old.

2009-10-30T18:33:00.000-07:00

If you know my 6 year old you know that she is too old for her britches, but in o.k ways. she doesn't like boys or want a cell phone or any thing like that. But she understands things, and that changes her interests for example: she has become fascinated with facebook lately.

She will search my friends list and look up people she knows; Then, she checks out their pictures, and the last two days she has started writing little notes to some of them. My favorite thing she does is when she stands over my shoulder reading every ones status..that can get scary depending on the person...and then reads what I say to them.... out loud, it's lovley. ( not a hint of sarcasam AT all)

All this is cute, and maybe I will consider letting her have her own face book with a very few friends... we shall see. So today as she was writing Happy Halloween to some one I remembered a funny facebook/ olivia story:

the other day I was texting a friend back and forth who wanted to come over and see our new puppy- olivia asked what I was doing so I told her what we were talking about. I said to her " I told her the other day she could come over and see angie" she says back to me very authoritative like.." I KNOW, I read that on facebook"

ahh, I just love my 6 year/25 year old daughter, I have been laughing for weeks over that.

8 years....

2009-10-26T09:06:00.000-07:00

Today is a big day. Mike and I have been Married for 8 years! Its funny how time changes your perspective on life, the first few years of marriage were so care free in many ways, we traveled and did as we pleased, nothing but a job tied us to any place. I am so grateful for those years, we went to Hawaii, new york, Virgina, Nauvoo, Montana and so many places in between. It was fun to travel with my best friend. At that time, when I would be out with girl friends and they would say they had been married for 7 years or more I would think " I can't even imagine that, its so far away!" . Here we are.

Today's celebrates 8 years that Mike and I have been married. I know that 8 years is not very long in the grand scheme, and yet in today's twisted society I feel very grateful that we have been so successful and happy together.

Our adventures have changes these days, we no longer travel to crazy places on a whim, but our adventures are crazy, hard and fun all the same. They stretch us and bring us closer together. Now days we enjoy the feeling of calm after a crazy day, we love the laughter of our three little angels, we have a hard time teaching our baby to sleep in his bed because he is just to fun to cuddle with. We talk for hours about out ya ya and how smart and stubborn she is. We worry about our sweet sweet jack who is so incredible and yet struggling. We feel motivated to get out into the world in a real way and make a difference, we worry about the future of our country. We fight together as the world tries to tear us apart through Satans distractions. Knowing the whole time that its our duty to keep our marriage and little ones safe. But WE do it all together, sometimes the roles change and we have different parts to play, but neither of us would enjoy life with out the other being in every part of it.

Michael, is my best friend, my confident. He is the person I want to be with at all times of the day. He is the one who can lift me up higher then any one else, just by a look or a hug. He is the one person who knows all my quirks, understands my goofy sense of humor, and who respects me even if no one else does. He protects me and helps me reach out side of my comfort bubble. I am better because of him.

Thank you Mike for these first few years, I can not wait to see what forever will bring us! I love you.

and waiting....

2009-09-29T19:30:00.000-07:00

We were supposed to close on our house between the 10-15th of september. But after a meeting with the lender they are hopeful for "sometime next week". So thats that update. That may be all I can say right now.

My kids are great! Soccer keeps us pretty busy but they both love it. Livy is averaging two goals a game which is awesome for her! She is doing great in school. two fridays ago she was student of the week and last friday she got sudent of the month for her class!! we went and watched the assembly, but some one (me) forgot the camera. she was so cute thoguh, the littlest one up there. WE could not be more proud of her.

Jack enjoys soccer, or at least being on the field with every one and watching them play! lol. so I am happy to have him doing something. he is in preschool and I enjoy seeing his creative side come out. he is even learning to read a bit. SO PROUD! He tells the best stories I have ever heard complete with crazy facial expressions. The other day we got to cook all day together I told him I was the chef and he was my assistant.

Joey ( our little Lion) doesn't speak any baby talk yet, not even mama or dada...he just growls and ROARS- literally. You say lion..he roars. its pretty funny. He can get into the fridge now. so I have lost three glass jars of food in the last two days, tile and glass just don't seem to get along very well. He has four teeth. two on the top and two on the bottom. He is so happy ALL the time. we laugh and laugh at him. We recently figured out that he seems to have the gluten intorerance just like Jack. So its been interesting to find baby gluten free crackers ( thank you walmart!)

Mike is doing great in Law school, he is tired, BUT he loves it and I think its going really well for him. we are so proud of him and all the hard work he is doing so that our family can have a good life.

So there it is a little update from the Hellers. busy and hopefully moving soon. But life is good and I feel so grateful for the many many blessing we do have, I am grateful for my amazing family.

a few pictures...

2009-09-21T14:04:00.000-07:00

Since we switched all our pictures to this computer I can finally show all of you what we have been up to! It kind of been the Olivia show around here for the last month, here are some pictures from here birthday! carianne took some better ones so once I get them from her again I will share them! =) Devery and I stayed up till' 2 in the morning laughing and frosting and re-frosting the cake, thanks dev! but...It was fun to have olivias birthday in the same park at the same table that I had my 6 year old party at too.so weird how life ends up working out some times =) . We played soccer and then opened presents and had cake. I am always amazed at how well Mike handles large groups of children, he really is an amazing man. THANK YOU Every one who came and shared this special day with such an amazing little lady.

fudge/cookies

2009-09-20T00:30:00.000-07:00

Tonight I learned something about my self. If it says the words cookie and fudge on the package, I probably already love it. For example, chips ahoy just had these limited edition fudge center cookies, apparently they were VERY limited because after just one lovely purchase from the Malwart, I can't find them any where!!

Its all about the fudge. Mmmmm. Plus, for some reason I tie chips ahoy cookies with memories of my gandma, she would buy them for me on long days out on the town. so I love them more then their quality really should allow.

But really, as a scanned the isles of Target, I realized its all about the fudge center. I just can't say no to a cookie with a fudge center.And might I just add that this is the kind of quality blog I send out when I blog at 12:30, good night folks!

not gone, just busy...

2009-09-16T15:29:00.000-07:00

WELL, as any one who keeps track of me might have noticed, I have been missing from the internet world. Our computer showed up with a blue screen two weeks ago and we can't turn it on till we can move all of our pictures....so I have been computer/internet less for almost two weeks. the crazy thing is that we have been so busy I have not missed it. BUT the play and bithday s have all finnished and the family has come and gone =(. so now it is on to the moving....hopefully soon. we are ready to get on with it! hope fully we will close the end of next week. so keep us in your prayers!! as the days slip by and our closing date moves further and further back, I am going a little more crazy- which is not good for any one!lol.

Birthday invites

2009-09-01T14:24:00.000-07:00

Here are yaya's b-day invites I think they turned out good! Hope ya'll can make it!

today was a big day for jack, mike and mom

2009-09-01T14:12:00.000-07:00

Today was a huge day! Mike turned 30. It's funny how at one point in your life that seemed so old and now here we are and I think, But we are SO young! =) Mom Also celebrated her Birthday to today! My sweet Jack had his first day of preschool. I didn't get any pictures because we were running around cleaning up a huge breakfast of cinnamon/nutmeg waffles topped with ice cream, home made strawberry jam, bananas, whipped cream and chocolate pieces!! it was YUMMY. But he had a blast and when the day finally quieted for a few hours, Jack took the time to revisit the waffles for lunch. I was sitting next to him reading when I looked up to find him sleeping just like this. I love this wonderful little man. We had a rough day yesterday- but since school has started, him and I have grown so close. He protects me and gives me hugs and kisses, he tells the best stories and has the most amazing imagination. I am never cease to be amazed at how smart he is either. He and his brother are becoming best friends. I love my Jack I am so grateful for this year with him before he starts kindergarten!

When I was downloading this picture I found one of Joey doing the same thing the other night so I had to add it...to funny!

gossip and truth

2009-08-26T12:16:00.000-07:00

just to clarify a couple of things in my own mind I looked up two words:

Gossip: (n)
1. a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts 2: rumor or report of an intimate nature 3: an informal conversation- gos-sipy adj.
Taken from page 312 of the Merriam-webster Dictionary

TRUTH: (n)
1: truthfullness, honesty 2: the real state of things:FACT 3: the body of real events or facts: ACTUALITY , correctness.
taken from page 769 of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary

There are a few more words that could be defined, but, today I was simply reminded that if we all told the truth in love (which happens to be one of my favorite statements) life would be all the better. Someday I will write a book on lies, why we tell them- how they are the center of all things bad. why do you think the scriptures refers to Satan as " the father of all lies"? because if there were no lies, our lives would be drastically different in a way I don't know most of us even comprehend.

Just as an experiment as your self if you are 100% truthfull all the time, Then ask you self when you lie? and why? yeah they be little but WHY do you do it?? The answer is usually interesting an d I think we would find most of the time if we would awnser with love, we could stop lying and our lives and those around us would change completly.

2009-08-22T13:43:00.000-07:00

the clock keeps ticking, I keep running and wondering if I am doing anything well enough to be worth the it....My self talk is all over the place, negative and then completely opposite. I tell my self I now have the privilege of learning to be a mom who has correct priorities and yet manages to do everything else that people ask of her and do those things some how beautifully. I always admired women who seems to have this talent.

The problem is I am defiantly not there, and while I am learning to be more positive, I wonder if its possible to do what I keep telling myself I am doing. SO to all you high functioning super women out there, I would love suggestions because literally every hour of my every day is booked. When I blog or jump on face book, its because I am stealing time that I should have been using for something else.
Like right now, I just got home from stake play practice where I did a costume check for the entire cast- before play practice I had an enrichment committee meeting at my house, I should be working on Olivias b-day invites because I need to get them out tomorrow, but instead I am doing this. Mike will be here shortly to do the next round of errands......

So how do I life life a little more effectively? is getting up Early the key to this? are there foods that help with my energy lever? ( I am not talking red bull or anything like that. I am talking fruits veggies and grains) I don't know- but as I work move along in life, I guess I can look forward to learning the super secrets of the super mom! even if the only secret is to hold on, run fast, don't yell and enjoy the journey.

1st day of soccer!!

2009-08-21T09:08:00.000-07:00

Last night was our very first soccer practice for both Jack and Yaya. They both did really well and Yaya even scored a goal! They were so cute and came home so happy. Jack told me " mom, I think I like you, I will never run away!" so I think that meant he was feeling good about life after soccer. it was pretty funny.

NOW WHAT?

2009-08-20T15:11:00.000-07:00

any ideas?

How do you help some one break out of their shy shell?? at home Olivia is a funny loud bossy sweet little "mom". At school she is the perfect student, listens to every direction, but she won't say a word, she is alone at the play ground because the thought of speaking to some one even people she knows is so hard and overwhelming for her that she just wanders quietly. She loves school ,s he enjoys the challenge intellectually, but, with in a month she will refuse to go because the social part of school is just to much.
I can already see in just a week we are headed the same place as last year ( which was NOT good) so how can I provide an alternate route for her to travel? How do I help her? any ideas because I it coming and I just know there has to be a way to help it, maybe not even totally fix but HELP it be a better year.

it's in his blood....

2009-08-18T13:28:00.001-07:00

I have three children, all of whom I have hoped would love music the way I do. Olivia seems to like the idea of playing an instrument and she sings very well. Jackson LOVES music, his pitch is off but he loves it so much that his passion for it sucks you right in. Joey obviously is a little too little to know exactly but I will say this, he is OBSESSED with the piano. Pianos of all kinds and sizes he loves them all. yesterday I heard some playing that didn't sound familiar, this is what I found....

Joeys first hair cut

2009-08-17T20:54:00.000-07:00

Before the hair cut

A few days ago we started noticing that our sweet little Joey looked greasy all the time. He just looked like he hadn't had a bath in weeks at all times of the day. So with a little encouragement by mike, we decided on sunday to give him his first hair cut. I was reluctant only because Its a sign that my little baby is getting big. Mike held him, I cut, Olivia took the pictures and Jackson sat by the boys feeling like he was important. Joey did really well, of course he kept plenty busy- he played with a hair comb, sucked on the water bottle and ate the ties on my scrubs, and at the end he yelled a little( I think just for fun!) Olivia did a great job capturing the moment.

FIRST GRADER GIRL

2009-08-17T20:44:00.000-07:00

Today was yaya's first day of school. I was worried about her, but she was SO excited I could hardly believe it, she walked so fast to her class room we couldn't even keep up. I love the fact that she wore sneakers, it completely describes her. Only she would wear them when it is so hot outside, she hates sandals I think she thinks they are to girly. lol. It was a bit emotional for me to know that she is officially starting her education. I hate that fact that she will be with her teacher more hours then at home, but she seems to have a good class and a great teacher so at least I can take comfort in that.

a few more hours left...

2009-08-15T16:06:00.000-07:00

School starts monday. Part of me is SO ready for it to start, but most of me is not. Unfortunately I think school and the unbend-able schedule that comes with it is exactly what the Dr. ordered for the crazy heller house hold. we need some structure back in our lives. Livy got the teacher she wanted, the clothes are laid out and this year I even have a car to get her there. Only a few more hours.....

Time to get organized..

2009-08-12T18:16:00.000-07:00

Well I better be out with it. we made an offer on a house, hopefully it will close the end of september! until then, its time to get organized.....